


Soul Survivor

by Ce_ba



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: AU, Character Death, F/M, Gen, I wouldn't call it graphic exactly, Season 3, after 3x09, but I put the warning on just in case, my verison of things, there is some violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 10:13:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 24,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4475510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ce_ba/pseuds/Ce_ba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oliver Queen is dead. Felicity knows this. What she doesn't know is the size of the avalanche that his fall set in motion. Team Arrow needs to work with the cards they have been dealt but when a new player joins the game victory might not be what it once was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Arrow or any of the characters.   
> This is a repost from Fanfiction.net where I posted the same story at the beginning of the year. I began writing during Season 3's winter hiatus because the cliffhanger was just too good not to work with. And as it turned out I was not that wrong in my predictions.

Felicity knew something was wrong when the assassin came down the steps alone. She had been waiting up with Diggle and Roy when they heard him, his boots a mere whisper on the steps. They had barely spoken in the last four hours (she had kept a close watch of the clock) and the Foundry was as quiet as it had ever been. That was until the assassin came.

The man was of Asian heritage, clad in the traditional garb of the League. Something about his face was sad, although he tried not to show it. He pulled something out of the bag that was slung over his shoulder.

"No," she whispered. A hiccuping sob escaped her and her eyes were tearing. She could barely identify the piece of clothing the assassin held up. It was a thick brown jacket. Olivers jacket.

"No," she said again, louder. "No, no, no, no, no." She hardly registered Diggle's arm around her shoulders, pressing her into his shirt. Somewhere the assassin said something but she didn't want to hear it. Wished she hadn't heard it.

_Oliver Queen is dead._

The words made the room spin and her knees give in. They were the only thing that existed for a while. They made time lose it's meaning and drove a knife into her heart.

_Oliver Queen is dead._

Later Diggle drove her home. The tears had ceased a while ago, but she still felt like she was going to puke. Sitting in the passenger seat of his car she stared outside.

Starling City bustled in the night like it always did, huge and oblivious. She tried to figure out how long it would take the citizens to figure out their vigilante was gone. How long it would take the police to realize that the city was at their mercy completely.

As they drove past Palmer Technologies another hiccuping sob made it's way past her lips. She let her head fall against the window, ignoring the thousands of mini earthquakes that vibrated through her skull. She could feel Diggle's worried eyes on her and wondered how he could be so calm. Then again he had been in the military and Oliver not the first friend he lost. Another unfairness of life.

"Want me to stay over?," he asked when he halted in front of the apartment.

She shook her head. Taking a deep breath she said: "I'll be alright." Her voice sounded only minimally shaken.

When she closed the door behind her she saw him still sitting by the curb. He would probably be there all night, in case she needed him.

She smiled regardless of the situation and tears started to slip down her cheeks again. Somehow she managed to change before she collapsed on the bed, to exhausted to even crawl under the covers. Felicity closed her eyes. No sleep came and she turned to her side, staring at the empty bed. She imagined Oliver lying next to her, smiling, adoring her. She reached out to touch him, but her hand passed through air before hitting the mattress. Another sob shook her body and she rolled over to where her phone was. She went to recent calls, considering to ring Diggle up, but she never got there. The last number she called pranged on top of the list, ugly and mean, twisting the knife that was already buried in her heart.

For some reason she called him. Of course no one answered so after a minute that felt like forever she was redirected to the mailbox.

"Hi, this is Oliver Queen," the familiar voice answered. "I am currently very busy, so leave a message after the beep." She could hear the smile in his voice.

The beep came and then silence.

"Oliver," she said reluctantly. "I know this is senseless because you are dead, but…." She broke down again. "You are dead," she sobbed into the phone. "You are dead and I….and I already miss you. This just isn't fair. Diggle is outside my apartment in case I need him and it isn't fair because he should be home with Lyla and Sara getting comfort from them." She sobbed more, staring at her phone. She should hang up and go to bed. But she couldn't. "Why are you dead?," she asked the silence. "Why are you dead, Oliver? You said I wouldn't lose you, said I never would. You said you loved me. How can you be dead?"

She listened to the silence, hoping that he would take her call, laugh, say it was all some mistake. The only laughter was that in her head as she remembered his laugh. He laughed so seldom and she missed it already. Finally she hung up.

She went to her gallery, only to realize she had never taken any pictures of him. Curling up with her phone pressed to her chest she fell asleep.

* * *

She woke up with her alarm clock, rolled out of bed and looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were still a little red and puffy. Dark rings and messy hair complimented the look. She went to the bathroom to shower but before that came the task of getting out of her new pajamas. The dark green pajamas. The pajamas she had bought because they, more or less subconsciously, reminded her of the Arrow. The knife twisted again and not before long she was a wailing mess on the floor.

She arrived at Palmer Tech only one and a half hours late, her ponytail messy and was promptly ordered into Rays office. Felicity expected him to be furious but one look at her had probably told him all he needed to know because he said: "Please, have a seat."

She did as she was told, giving him an expectant look.

"Felicity, are you okay?"

She shook her head, not trusting herself to speak. Lest she started crying in front of her boss.

"Did something happen? Is your mother alright?"

She nodded and felt the tears welling up. Since it was already too late she said: "There….there has been a death in the family. My...my..," she stuttered, the lie not wanting to come.

Ray shook his head. "Felicity, you could've called off. It's okay. I want you to stay home as long as you need to. Do you need a flight home? I can arrange-"

"It's okay," she cut him off, suddenly annoyed. "I'm sorry. I just...I'll go crazy if I stay at home."

He nodded, clearly not satisfied, and dismissed her. She shuffled out of his office, dimly remembering how he had revealed A.T.O.M to her last night. Why did all her bosses turn out to be wanting to save the world in their free time? Why did she attract those damned playboy vigilantes like a magnet? She had half a mind to refuse him. At least that way she wouldn't get hurt again. She stifled another sob.

 


	2. Chapter 2

_It was cold. The ground was covered in thick, sticky snow. He and his sister were building a snowman, Thea collecting pebbles for it's face and buttons and he rolling the snow. When he was done with both snowballs he called out for her. She appeared from around the corner, packed in tight in a too big scarf and a snowsuit. Snow had gathered on the brim of her hat and stuck to it. She laughed._

" _They aren't even round, Ollie," she giggled._

" _Sure they are," he told her._

" _No, they aren't." She pressed the decor in his hands and started to patch up his imperfect snowballs. "_ Now _they are."_

_There was no difference after she was done and he couldn't help but stare._

" _What?," she asked._

" _Nothing," he said. "I just love you, Speedy."_

_The answer was a handful of snow in his face. He laughed._

" _There he is! Hey, Ollie!," Tommy called. He turned to see his friend at the bottom of the stairs, waving up at him. Thea and Laurel were with him, grinning broadly. He resisted the desire to slide down on the banister, mostly because the steps were full with people. When he reached his friends Thea was the first to hug him._

" _Happy twentieth birthday," she said._

" _Thanks, Speedy," he answered, squeezing her._

" _Ahhh, if it were only the twenty first," Tommy said winking. Thea shook her head and Laurel laughed. They kissed._

" _Happy Birthday," she said, straightening his tie. He smiled down on her, thinking how happy he was._

" _Oliver!"_

_He turned, expecting to see his mother, but atop the stairs he found someone else. He squinted as he saw her amidst the crowd of people. Felicity usually didn't look bad, but right now right here he wouldn't have guessed she worked in IT. Not by her looks anyways. She had discarded her glasses for contacts, wore her usually pinned back hair open and not to mention a skintight short dress in gold. He started towards her and Diggle followed him. She started speaking before they even reached her, something he came to see was typical in her._

" _So I'm getting a good signal from the GPS I put in your family's broach. I can track it on my phone. Speaking of, have you given any thought to what might happen if this doesn't work and the Dodger absconds with your family jewels?" After a pause she added "Sorry that came out very wrong."_

" _Let's just keep our eyes open, Felicity," he said, although he wasn't sure who he was addressing it to. Felicity had only agreed to help until they found Walter. He should quit wishing she would stay afterward. Turning he walked away, pretending to be a regular party guest and not hunting a jewel thief._

" _I have the one you love," he heard Slade say in his head. "Now you will meet me where I say, or I will kill her."_

" _Yeah, you do what you have to, but I'm done playing your games," he told him. The world around him grew quiet, although he could see his friends kill the last remnants of Slades Mirakuru army from the corner of his eyes. Their death cries echoed through the tunnel but he didn't hear them, refused to hear them._

" _You're done when I say you're done," the man balked. "I was surprised," he said and then Oliver knew it had worked._

" _I thought you had a thing for stronger women," Slade continued. "But now that I've met her I can see the appeal. She is quite lovely, your Felicity."_

_Relief flooded through him, knowing that he had managed to outsmart Slade. And yet, as the last words lingered in the air, he couldn't help but feel a little as if someone had punched him in the guts._

She is quite lovely, your Felicity.

_She wasn't his, was she?_

You'll always be my girl _, he'd said after she took a bullet for Sara. That much he was sure of._

I love you _, he'd said and then pressed the cure in her hand. But how much had he really meant it? When he had said it something in him shifted, but he didn't love her. He was simply fond of her. She was his friend after all, one of the few people who knew his secret-_

_He shook his head. He had to concentrate on getting her out of there. His feelings he could puzzle out later._

" _And the second thing?," Felicity asked. He looked at her, debating whether or not to tell her. But then, if he was going to die, he had to._

" _I love you," he said and she stared at him, her face a mixture of deer-in-the-headlights and punched-in-the-stomach. He turned before he could do any more damage, leaving everything he had with her in the room with beeping computers._

_The ascend seemed to take forever, and as he walked the beeping grew louder, as if he walked towards the computers, instead of away._

_Had Felicity's computers ever beeped?_

_He heard a door shut behind him._

_No, in front of him._

_Around him…_

He opened his eyes, staring up at a white paneled ceiling. Machines beeped all around him, alarmingly many connecting him with some sort of tube or another. Someone was sitting by his bed but all he could make out from this angle was black. He struggled to sit up. Pain shot through his chest, as if someone had set his lungs on fire. His whole body hurt and ached. A hand pushed him back into the pillows and then he could see her clearly.

Her short dark hair was pulled back as usual and two dark, hard eyes were locked on him. A cruel smile played on her lips.

Amanda Waller.

"Welcome back in the world of the living, Mr. Queen. I propose you rest a little longer before we begin discussing the situation you have put us in."


	3. Chapter 3

 Going back to work hadn't been her best idea. It really really hadn't.

The office reminded her too much of the year they had spent in it together, even though it was now fitted with all the things Ray thought she might or might not need. It still had been Olivers office first. And now he was dead and it was hers. She sniffled, looking out of the window. At least she had a good view at the world that was slowly crumbling beneath her fingertips.

Her phone rang shortly, indicating a text message. She looked at the sender, expecting it to be Diggle and hoping it was Oliver. It was from neither.

  


_Hey sweetie,_

_do you have any plans for Hanukkah yet? I thought maybe you could come home or maybe I could fly to Starling? I haven't seen my beautiful girl in ages._

_Love, Mom._

  


Right, Hanukkah. And her friends would celebrate Christmas and then there was New Years Eve...and yet she felt less and less like celebrating. She tapped her fingers on the desk, trying to think of a polite but clear no. Felicity loved her Mom, but if she saw her she would know something was wrong. And then she would have to explain why exactly she cried herself to sleep and woke up with crying fits. Why she was constantly on the verge of tears. That her Mom couldn't do anything because the man that broke her heart was dead.

 _Mom,_ she typed. But Mom what? What would her mother understand but not read as alarm signal.

  


_I'm sorry, but Diggle and Leila already invited me over. They are now engaged and decided to make Christmas also an official engagement party so I'm spend Hannukah alone and celebrate Christmas with them. Everyone else is coming too so it will be a merry little convention._

_I hope you are not too disappointed?_

_Love, Felicity._

  


She proof-read and hit send. Then she scrolled through the various messages she had gotten from Diggle.

  


_Felicity, is everything okay with you? Call if you need anything._

  


_I hope you are okay and don't do anything stupid. Text back?_

  


_Felicity? I want to believe you are at work and are busy?_

  


She sighed and texted back a simple _yes_. She could deal with Diggle after work.

Someone knocked on her door. "Felicity?"

Laurel smiled, her leather bag in front of her. "Am I interrupting?"

She put her phone aside and shook her head. "No, no you're not. Please come in."

Laurel took a step inside, the door falling shut behind her. "I'm just here because of Oliver." The lawyer smiled as if that explained everything. "I keep calling him but he won't answer. Do you know where he is?"

"No," she answered, and to her astonishment it wasn't even a lie. She didn't know where he was. All she knew was that he was dead.

"That is too bad. He told me about the ultimatum the League has set you and since there was no death I suppose you found Saras killer? Do you know who it is?," she seemed excited and Felicity realized that she had no idea. But she couldn't tell her it was Thea. Laurel wanted revenge and she was getting none from Thea.

"Yes, no, I…..I can't tell you Laurel, I'm so sorry."

"What, or he knows the League is after him? I can keep secrets, Felicity."

 _So can I_ , she thought bitterly, _but apparently not from a lawyer_. With a quick glance around she said: "Merlyn."

"Wait, I thought he didn't?"

"Turns out he did," she answered.

"So Ollie now helps the League capture him?"

 _Yes_ , she almost said. Her phone vibrated, another text from Diggle. How high were the chances that Laurel ran into him on the street. Or into Roy? For how long could she keep it from Laurel?

"No," she said. "I wish it were so, but it's more complicated than that. Merlyn only gave the command to have Sara killed. He has a video of her murder and if Oliver had told the League it was Merlyn he could have easily evaded them. And then they would have gone after...the person who shot the arrows, a person who didn't even knew what she was doing when she did it. A person Merlyn drugged and made completely obedient."

"So what did you tell the League?," Laurel looked confused.

"That Oliver did it. He challenged Ra's al Ghul to single combat."

"When…?," Laurel asked, looking at her. Felicity knew tears were streaming down her face again. Laurel collapsed into the chair opposite Felicitys. "Oh."

"I'm sorry no one told you Laurel. We got the news last night and…...I suppose it's too big of a shock to not tell everyone immediately."

Laurel nodded, although Felicity wasn't sure how much she understood. To her own sick relief Laurel wasn't crying.

"Who was he covering?," she asked after forever. "You said _she_ was drugged. Does she remember killing my sister? Why did he cover her?"

Felicity stifled a sob. "She doesn't remember a thing Laurel. I'm sorry."

"Who was it?," Laurel insisted.

"Thea," she said. Telling the story again was another twist on the knife.

"That's impossible! Thea was in Corto Maltese, how could-"

"That's what she thinks and that's what she's supposed to think. Merlyn drugged her and brought her to Starling to kill Sara. I don't know why exactly. I think he wanted Ra's al Ghul dead. Why he didn't challenge him himself I don't know."

Laurel was silent for a long time. When she got up determination was in her eyes.

"I'll find him, Felicity. I'll find Merlyn and I'll make him pay for what he did to me. To my family. To Ollie. I will make him pay."

"Laurel," she said, hesitating, snuffling. The lawyer looked expectant. "If there is anything I can help you with you only need to ask."


	4. Chapter 4

 Thea felt a sense of déjà vu when the mailbox answered her for the billionth time.

"Damn it, Ollie," she cursed the phone.

"What?," Chase asked.

"I'm not talking to you," she said, only slightly pissed off. Leaving her phone on the counter she started counting the earnings.

Chase walked over and grabbing it from where she left it, played with her phone. "Who is _Ollie_?"

"My brother," she answered. "Who I haven't heard from since last night where he acted suspicious."

"Suspicious, huh? In what way?"

"Well, first he asked me weird questions about the time I took off to deal with our mothers death. Then he came back, threw more accusations in the room, told me he loved me and I haven't hear from him since, which is kinda triggering with my brothers love for disappearing for indefinite time."

"Suspicious indeed. Maybe ask some of his friends if they heard from him?"

She almost had to laugh. "You don't know my brother. He doesn't have any friends…...aside from Laurel. Give me my phone."

He held it out for her only to pull back when she tried to grab it.

"Chase, please," she said.

He gave it to her and she dialed Laurels number. But it was as useless as calling Ollie.

"Nothing," she said, shoving him a pile of money. "Today's share."

He took the money, seemingly considering something. "Maybe colleagues?"

"What?"

"Your brother. Maybe ask some of his colleagues, since he doesn't have any friends."

He finally left her alone to ponder about that. She would call Laurel when she got home, but what if she didn't answer? Her brother didn't have a job Thea knew of, but previous jobs…..

She tried to recall a time she had seen being friendly with someone that wasn't Tommy or Laurel. There was John Diggle, his driver, but that was his driver, of course he would be wherever Ollie was. Other people though...the only person she could think of was his secretary. The one he promoted from some minor job in IT to his most trusted employee. What was her name again? Smoke?

Back at home she googled Palmer Technologies, hoping to find someone with that name. The closest she got was Felicity Smoak, the vice president. Thea decided it was worth a shot, especially after she failed to reach Laurel a third time that morning.

That's how she found herself at Palmer Technologies at eleven o'clock the same day, having to explain to the clerk that no, she did not have an appointment with Ms. Smoak, but that yes, it was urgent and Ms. Smoak would understand. In the end he called her and gave Thea directions to her floor.

Oddly enough Ms. Smoak seemed to inhabit Ollies old office and it was weird to see his former employee at his desk. She seemed nice enough, although Thea thought her smile a bit too broad. She also could swear her eyes were a little puffy with rings underneath them, although it was hard to see with the glasses.

"Thea Queen," she greeted her. "What can I help you with?"

"My brother actually," she said. At the mention of Ollie a shadow seemed to pass over the woman's face. Thea continued regardless. "He hasn't answered his phone in days and, well, you as his former secretary surely know of his affection of suddenly disappearing." She tried to try her most convincing smile. "And I thought you might also know where he could be?"

The ex-secretary smiled back. "I am sorry Ms. Queen, but I fear Mr. Queens hideouts are as secret to me as much as they are to you."

She thought for a second about the door at the back of the club, the one Ollie must have known about but failed to explain to her; then quickly dismissed it again. She thanked Ms. Smoak for her time, got up and walked to the elevator. Then the logo over the dials caught her eye. The door... if someone had an answer to her question it would be the head of a company that dealt with _Technologies_ , wouldn't he?

The highest floor number did take her, as expected, to Ray Palmer's office. She made sure she wasn't interrupting anything, then knocked on the glass doors.

Palmer looked like he did in the pictures, handsome for someone a little older, but that was none of Thea's concern.

"Can I help you, Miss?," he asked.

"Actually yes. I know that I have no appointment, but my name is Thea Queen. I run a club down in the Glades and I ah….have a little technical mystery. How much do you know about password protected doors?"

As it turned out he knew a lot and was equally interested in anything that combined _technology_ and _mysteries_. She should have been a little scared to walk into unknown dark spaces with an older man, but she was, frankly, too giddy to care. To their luck Roy wasn't there yet, so no one saw them break into the basement. Although Thea wasn't sure if it was breaking and entering when the basement, technically, belonged to you and the break-in specialist was hired by you. Regardlessly Ray was able to crack the code and together they made their way down the steps. What unfolded in front of them was beyond her understanding:

Computers and metal lab tables dominated the room. Shooting dummies and weapons lined the walls. At the far end of the room she could make out a salmon ladder and sleeping arrangements, although the latter didn't look like it had been used for a while.

The most interesting thing however were the glass showcases admidst the weapons. One was empty, the other two displayed very similar items of clothing. One suit was red with decorative lacing and a red hood pulled over the dummies head. The other was much simpler, green and yet recognizable-

"The Arrow," Ray said admiringly.

"Great," Thea answered sarcastically. "I found the Starling City Vigilante's hideout in my basement. How is that gonna help me find my brother?"

Ray set down the arrow he was toying with and gave her a long look.

"Thea - I may call you that, yes?-," he said. "I think something bad happened to your brother."

She squinted at him. "Excuse me?"

"See, Felicity's…...behavior isn't always not suspicious. She pretty recently gave me reasons that made me think that maybe she was working with the Arrow. Which, just looking at the level of technology in here she very likely does. This also shows that your brother _is_ the Arrow. I mean, the Vigilante showed up after your brother got back from that island and how better to hide your secret identity than to build your working place above it. And a club gave him an alibi as to why he had to be there at night."

Thea nodded understandingly. "That would explain why he promoted her. If she was working with the Arrow making her his secretary was a way to communicate with her unsuspiciously. But why are you saying something happened to him?"

"Because of Felicity. She was late yesterday and also seemed pretty out of it. When I asked her what happened she told me about a death in the family. And yet she refused to take time off and fly home to her mother. Which made me think that whatever happened didn't have anything with her relatives but her friends. Which - don't take this the wrong way - she doesn't seem to have many. And the person that is most endangered in this city, after the criminals, is the Arrow."

"My brother isn't dead," she told Ray.

"How would you know? It's not like he answers your calls, is it? That's why you came to Palmer Technologies in the first place, right? To make inquiries about Oliver Queen? Well, I guess that mystery has just cleared itself."

"And why did you agree to help me in the first place?," she countered.

"Why indeed. I guess I saw an opportunity and took it. Don't tell me you never thought about sending a thank you letter to our generous vigilante? Well, I guess since he's your brother-"

"Leave," she said, pointing to the door. He held up his hands in surrender and retreated.

Exhausted she let herself fall down in the chair with the computers. Fishing her phone out of her pocket she tried to call Ollie again.


	5. Chapter 5

 The first thing that caught his eye was the missing suit. For a second he thought Oliver had already dressed up and left, then he remembered that Oliver was dead. It felt like a punch in the stomach every time. And then there was the thing with the missing suit.

He was about to grab his own bow and arrow when the lights above him went out and the Arrow jumped down from them. Before he could make a move an arrow was aimed at him.

"Whoa, whoa. Who are you and what do you want?," he asked, raising his hands over his head. Just to be safe.

"Who I am is none of your concern. What happened to Oliver Queen?"

The voice was definitely female, although she seemed to use Olivers voice-filter. The suit was a little too big for her but it didn't seem to bother her.

"I'm not gonna tell some crazy chick - whoa!"

An arrow sailed an inch past his head and she had another notched in a matter of seconds.

"The next one will go somewhere on your body, Roy Harper. And now, what happened to Oliver Queen?"

He knew that voice, he could swear it. The way she said his name was so familiar and yet…..

"He's...he's dead," he said. She trembled a little, barely noticeable, but he did catch it. She had the whole time, he realized. "He's dead," he said again. The bow wavered, her hand almost losing it's grip on the arrow.

" _Thea_?"

She let the bow sink in defeat. He strode over and pushed the hood down. Underneath it she was crying. He hugged her.

"Hey, hey, shhh."

"I killed Sara," she whispered, the tears like waterfalls down her face. "I killed Sara and I didn't even knew I did and now you're telling me Ollie is dead and-"

"You didn't kill Sara," he said, taking her face in his hands, smearing the tears with his thumbs. "You didn't."

"Oh, yeah? Because this shows I did." She pressed Olivers phone to his chest, shoving him away.

"You didn't kill her," he insisted, placing his hand over hers. She was still shaking. He knew she had seen the video, but just because she had fired the arrows didn't mean she killed her. "Merlyn killed Sara. He drugged you and made you fire the arrows, alright? He confessed it all to Oliver."

"Is that why I can't remember any of it?"

He nodded, and she leaned her head into his shoulder, sobbing. Stroking her back he tried to calm her down, mentally chasting himself. He shouldn't enjoy this so much. Not her grief, of course. The hugging part. He shouldn't enjoy the hugging part so damn much.

"But why would he do that? Merlyn, I mean? I'm his _daughter,"_ she stared at him with determination.

"It's complicated," he said.

She broke out of his embrace, looking angry. "Don't give me that 'It's complicated'-bullshit, Roy. I'm not a little girl. I can take it."

"I know. I was going to in a second," he said, nudging her towards the table gently. "You might want to sit down though."

She did, looking at him expectantly. The tears were still flowing, although not as violent as before. He took a deep breath before he started.

"After the _Gambit_ went down Sara was taken in by _The League of Assassins_. They basically do what you think someone with that name would do and Merlyn was a part of that group too. Then they released him and everything was fine, until the Undertaking, where he broke one of the Leagues most important rules."

"Wait, so you're telling me my father is hunted by people that kill people because he killed people?"

"Innocent people. People that didn't need to die," he said. "So now there is a blood debt between Merlyn and Ra's al Ghul, the head of the League. And the only way to get rid of that debt is too kill Ra's in single combat." In a weird way that made the League sound mean. But then again they killed people for a living. You'd expect them to be mean.

"But what do I have to do with that? Why did he make me kill Sara?"

"So there is a debt between you and the League too. If they knew you did it, anyways. But they don't."

She gave him a confused look. "Don't they ask who killed their own?"

"They do. They gave us an ultimatum. We had to produce the killer in 48 hours or they would start killing citizens."

She jumped up. "That's horrible! We have to tell them, Roy. You have the killer. It-"

"Thea!" He grabbed her by the arms to keep her still. "That ultimatum was due two nights ago."

"I don't understand. No one died, so who the hell did you tell them did it?" She looked at him, her gaze intense. He stared back and then she understood.

"No. No, he wouldn't do that. He couldn't do that. He can't!"

He pressed her against him tightly. "I'm so sorry, Thea. I'm so god damn sorry. I wish he didn't have. I really wish."

"What happened?," she asked, her voice tight.

"Ra's stabbed him in battle, then kicked him down the mountainside. We-we don't even have a body to bury."

She started sobbing again and for the first time he too shed tears over Oliver.


	6. Chapter 6

 "Do you understand the plan, Mr. Queen?"

Amanda Waller was sitting in the chair next to his bed, rigid and authoritative as always. Oliver himself was propped up on a bunch of pillows. His chest was still aching and the doctors had warned him that excessive movement might rip the scar open, but they had stopped pumping all kinds of drugs into him, which he took as a good sign. It also meant he trusted himself with decision making again.

"Yes," he answered. "I will supervise the team and develop more specific strategics until I am physically fit to execute them. And after the mission I am able to officially return to the living without any interference by Ra's al Ghul. In the meantime, no contact with anyone outside of Argus that has not been authorized by you personally."

He liked it as much as he'd liked Hong Kong, but he'd learned his lesson back then. If it was in Argus interest that the world to believed you were dead, you better let them pretend you were and play along. Besides, if he just showed back up in Starling it wouldn't be long until the League of Assassins was after him again. And they would be even more unpleasant. So he decided to play along Argus rules. Although he might have to find a way to let it slip to his friends that he wasn't dead. On Lian Yu he hadn't wasted as much time thinking what it would do to his mother, Thea, Tommy and Laurel if they believed him dead. Now it was all he could think about, what it would do to Thea, Felicity, Laurel, Diggle, and Roy. Partially because think was all he could do.

"Good." She smiled coolly. " I will introduce you to the selected individuals in the course of next week. I want you to communicate with them as much as possible. Maseo will give you all the intel you'll need on the League and I will set up a team of specialists to find Malcom Merlyn and get him where we need him to be when we need him to."

Waller got up, straightened her skirt and made for the door.

"No, you won't," he said. Now was his opportunity to make the situation a little more to his liking.

"Excuse me?" She whirled around, squinting at him, and for a second he doubted whether it was a good idea. Then he cleared his throat.

"No offense, but I don't trust your people," he said, trying not to piss her off too much. "See, like Maseo. He joined the League on your command, let me challenge Ra's al Ghul and watched me die without even blinking. If I hadn't been that important for your project he would have let me bleed to death on that mountain too. So, no offense, but I prefer working with my own people."

"So you suggest bringing strangers into Argus headquarters at the expense of their own lives, possibly risking exposure and all that for what? Your comfort Mr. Queen?" She crossed her arms over her chest and stared him down.

 _Their own comfort too_ , he wanted to say. Amanda Waller, however wouldn't be swayed by personal reasons. They would have to be job related. He took a deep breath. "Team Arrow is good at keeping secrets and they are capable-"

"They are untrained amateurs that hunt petty criminals as a hobby," she interrupted. "Argus has trained specialists that do what they have to in order to get the mission done."

"Then give me both," he argued, trying not to sound too offended. They had managed to capture Slade Wilson on their own with the minimum amount of casualties, where Argus would have leveled a whole city to the ground. Plus he would go nuts in here without Diggle to advise him, Roy to annoy him and Felicity…..well, Felicity just generally being Felicity.

"Mr. Queen, I don't think you understand. This mission is of utmost importance and I cannot risk it by bringing your incapable friends into it. We do not have the time to train them properly, unless you want to spend years on this. It is, however, to my understanding that you want to go home as soon as possible. So you will work with what I give you. Do you comply?"

He knew any further arguments would be useless, yet he couldn't leave this without a little defiance. "Under one condition," he answered.

For the first time something like emotion crossed her face. She was annoyed.

Good.

"You will get me Felicity Smoak," he said. "She isn't going to operate in the open field, she _is_ more capable than any of your IT specialists and I need at least _someone_ I can trust," he added when she started to speak.

While all of it was true he also needed her for more personal reasons. He knew it was selfish pulling her into this, but then at least she wouldn't have to suffer from his fake death.

Waller was silent for a while, probably thinking of the best way to let him know how much she thought of his idea.

"You are aware that there is no guarantee that she will agree to work with us?," she asked finally, her tone icy.

"You tell me," he said. "You are the ones recruiting her, not me. And you will get her, or I will refuse."

With a last squint she turned around to leave. "And figure out your problem with the League alone? I don't think so, Mr. Queen," she was almost smiling. "But very well. We will get Miss Smoak if that makes your time here easier for you and for us."

The door shut behind her and he was left to stare at bare concrete and metal again, praying to a God neither of them believed in that she would say yes.


	7. Chapter 7

 She looked at her phone again, reading the words over and over.

_Are you coming back to the cave? We got work to do._

It hadn't been two weeks and Roy already wanted to re-open the Arrow business. For a while she had thought it was a good idea too and come here straight from work. Then she had seen the capital V of Verdant, green and like an arrow pointing at her destination. Mocking her. That's when she felt the knife twisting again. She turned on the spot.

 _I'm sorry, but I don't think I can do that right now_ , she texted back. Slipping her phone into her pocket again she hurried home. The sun had already and somehow the Glades at night had turned into this frightening monster, now that she knew the Arrow wasn't out there anymore. People had to fend for themselves again, she had to fend for herself again, and it made her stomach churn. The last time she had felt like that was after she moved to college and had to make an appointment alone. Everyone else did it and survived it, but there was this little, irrational part of her that thought that maybe, maybe she was the first who didn't.

So she made sure to keep out of the streetlights and in the main streets, simple self protection 101. In her head she went through the defense techniques Sara had shown her, calming herself with the thought that if something happened she knew what to do.

All that didn't help when the car pulled up behind her. When she heard it halting she walked even faster, but in her heels she was easy to catch up with. As the first man got a grip of her arm she turned and kicked, hitting him in the shin. He yelped and let go but the second one was already behind her, pushing a wet cloth on her mouth. She reached behind herself in blind panic, scratching him. He didn't let go though and then the world went black.

  


When she got to her senses again she was slumped in a chair. Neither bound and gagged she noticed with satisfaction. Confused she looked around. She was in a room with bare, damp concrete walls. Rusted steel pillars held the holey roof up. The place was surrounded by guardsmen, at least six inside and who knew how many outside. Not one of them seemed to carry any weapons although she had no doubt they could overtake her regardlessly should she try to make a run for it. In the chair in front of her sat a woman.

No, not some woman. Amanda Waller.

Felicity let her head sink into her hands. "It's just Argus," she muttered. "Just Argus, just. Argus." She took a deep breath.

Waller regarded her curiously.

"There are better ways to arrange meetings with people, you know?," Felicity said. "Ways that don't include kidnapping and bringing them to some abandoned warehouse, gangster style."

"We are sorry if we scared you, Miss Smoak," Waller replied. If she was, her face didn't show it. "We have a proposal for you," she continued.

"That's what I figured," Felicity answered in her best business like manner. "What do you need me to do?"

"We are in no _need_ of your services, Miss Smoak, just to make that clear. The mission leader of one of our newest operation, however, has requested for you to be on his task force. We are merely complying with his wishes."

"And why would that mission leader want _me_?," she said. "I mean, he's a smart if he doesn't trust you guys, but why me?"

Waller smiled blandly. "It is beyond my understanding why he wants anything. Now, do you agree with our terms or do you not?"

Felicity drew her brows together. It wasn't like Waller had named any terms. "Since this is Argus we are talking about I figure the terms are absolute secrecy, no contact with the outside world whatsoever and no guarantee that I come out of this alive?"

Waller nodded curtly.

"How long will this _mission_ take?," Felicity continued. There was no need to ask what the mission was about, this was Argus after all.

"That depends entirely on the recovery of our mission leader. At the current rate maybe another month. Until it's execution everyone involved will be preparing at the base and learn to work together. We will, of course, provide you with a sufficient cover story. A vacation maybe." Although her face was emotionless Felicity couldn't shake the feeling that Waller was annoyed. She probably didn't like working with outsiders.

"Rome would be nice," she mused. Part of her was already yelling yes. A whole month where nothing would remind her of Oliver? A whole month to sort her thoughts without her friends asking if she was okay? A whole month of no Diggle watching over her like she was going to do something stupid out of grief every moment? Well, working with Argus might count as something stupid, but it was worth it, wasn't it?

"Miss Smoak," Waller interrupted her thoughts. "What can I tell our mission leader?"

The mention of this stranger reminded her of all the reasons why she should say no. Who was this man and how did he know her? And why did he want to work with Felicity of all people? Since he was arguing with Argus probably a lot like Oliver. And that was a good thing, right?

She hoped it was. Drawing herself up, she straightened her skirt. "You can tell him that his new IT specialist will not disappoint him," she answered, smiling without meaning it.

Waller smiled back as coolly. "I'm sure he will be pleased to hear that."


	8. Chapter 8

 "What is it?," She asked, bashing in on the mannequin.

"Nothing," Roy answered, slipping his phone back into his pocket, "Just Felicity. I'm a little worried about her, that's all."

"Why?," she asked. Thea had tied her already short hair into a ponytail and some strands had gotten loose, now plastered to her skin. Way too sweaty as she was she actually felt really good today.

"I asked her to come here and help us start this again and she said she couldn't do it right now, which is okay, but I just think she might never, you know? And that scares the shit out of me. That Oliver's death gets her so much….." He picked up an arrow and started playing with it. Thea hit the mannequin a little harder.

"She'll be alright. I mean, I she'll get over it," she said. "The way you will and the way Diggle will." _Unlike the way I never will_ , she added silently, swinging out again and again. Her arms were already tired but she couldn't have cared less.

"I think you are misunderstanding Felicity's relationship with your brother," he answered.

She looked up then, confused. "Huh?"

He put the arrow down. "These two? They are in love with each other but they are too stubborn to admit it and too selfless to fight for it. They tell everyone that all they want is each others happiness and at the same time are convinced they are the least possible pathway to achieve that."

She looked at him for a second, chuckled, then started hitting on the doll again. "If my brother was into her he would have had her already. He's that way with women, you know? I think you are the one misunderstanding their relationship."

He shook his head smiling with was probably nostalgia. It hadn't been two weeks and yet she felt herself grow nostalgic. Was that what a loved ones death did? Make you nostalgic? Maybe it was just wishing those easier times back.

"If you think of him that way you don't know your brother very well...and you most certainly haven't seen the way he looks at her. He might have handled women that way in the past, but Felicity is different. When it comes to her he's…... almost shy." He laughed without humor. "It took him five months after a fake 'I love you' to admit he might not have lied that much and ask her out on a date. Then someone ruined that by blowing up the restaurant. I don't know what happened afterwards, but they are still not together. Although sometimes you'd think they are the way they behave around and with each other….behaved, I mean." Another dry laugh followed the sour expression on his face.

She wasn't sure how to feel about the revelation that her brother might have had deeper feelings for a woman she didn't even know. Anything that was related to her brother the Arrow felt weird. There was so much more to his life than she had known and now that it all came to light it was past tense. He had been the Arrow. He had had loyal friends. He had had a woman he loved. He _had_ had.

Thea walked over, sitting on the table in front of him. Her feet were on his chair, brushing his thighs. Somehow she was oddly aware of her feet in that brief moment. She was his ex-girlfriend. _Ex_. She should definitely stop thinking about him in that way. Damned nostalgia.

"What are we gonna do now?," she asked, stripping off her half-gloves.

He shrugged. "We can still do something. I mean, you can stay here and-"

"No way," she interrupted him. "I'm coming with you. The technical support would be on spot, but two is still better than one."

Roy sighed. "Okay."

"What about John Diggle?"

"Said he needed some time off for now. And I can't blame him either, if I had a family to look after I'd stay home as often as possible," Roy leaned back.

She smiled. "Just the two of us then. And I better get a hoodie so no one knows it's me. What color do you think? Green? Or red?"

"Neither. Green is the Arrow, red the Arsenal….."

"But with Ollie-" He voice caught. She couldn't say it. Not yet. "Aren't you the Arrow now? Which would mean that I could be the Arsenal…..?"

He shook his head. "I wouldn't presume that. No one...no one can ever replace the Arrow. I'm the Arsenal and you are…..well, we'll find a fitting name for you later. For now you are Thea."

"Okay. So, color...what about purple?"

"You can't, the Huntress."

"Black."

"The Canary."

She rolled her eyes. "So I can choose any color but those already taken which is mostly all of them."

"Not all of them. There is orange. And yellow. Turquoise, Blue…..and white. But that gets dirty easily so….." He spread his hands as if to offer her the incomplete color palette that was at her disposal. Leaning forward she almost kissed him. Instead she kicked his chair away and jumped off the table.

"Well, let's see what my wardrobe has to offer. Call me when you found something," she said.

Back in her car she checked her texts. She ignored the hundred ones from Chase and the other thousands from as many people. One name caught her eye, mostly because it hadn't shown up for weeks.

Malcolm Merlyn.

_Thea, I hope you are ok. I'm back in town and heard Oliver disappeared again. If you need anything, contact me._

_I need you not to lie to me_ , she thought. For a moment she almost typed it. But then, when she had accepted her father's offer she had wanted to never ever get hurt again. And if he wanted to play pretend that wasn't what had happened she was willing to comply. That way at least she needn't worry about her new night time activities, aside from running a club, becoming an issue. Both Ollie and Merlyn would be furious if they knew she was going on a criminal hunt with Roy. But one of them was the reason the other one was dead and if the poor excuse of a human being that she called her father wanted secrets, he could have them.


	9. Chapter 9

 The Argus agent picked her up at the corner of the coffee shop, just as she had discussed with Amanda Waller. Once in the car she kept fidgeting with the rim of her cup. Her fingers itched for her phone or her tablet, which she had to leave with Argus. They were running some special programs to make it non-traceable. Argus wasn't exactly open about what they did but she figured she would just hack it later and complied without further inquiry.

The windows were tinted on the inside so that she didn't see which way they were taking. With all this secrecy Felicity stared to doubt whether this had really been a good idea. It was, however, to late to change her mind. She would have to see this through, for better or worse. Smile, she told herself.

They stopped in front of a warehouse in the middle of nowhere, just the way you'd imagine a secret operation base. She again wondered what exactly she had gotten herself into. Waller hadn't let any information slip, mostly because they had to let her go so she could pack and take care of some things in personal. Disappearing without showing your face to anyone before hand would make the month-long _vacation_ even more suspicious.

So she had shown up in Rays office, tears streaming down her eyes, admitting that maybe she was wrong about the time off. To him she was on her way to Vegas right now. To Diggle and Roy she was in Rome. She hadn't talked to either in person, not sure what they would say. And to her mother she was still in Starling.

In reality she was….well, somewhere near Starling. It didn't matter.

"Ms. Smoak, if you would follow me," Waller greeted her. The agent who had driven her handed her her suitcase and then she meekly tried to keep up with Wallers fast paced strides.

The first room she was shown was a one in a series of probably identical ones along the same hallway, housing the eight agents that were involved in this mission, Waller explained. The room was plain steel, glass and concrete, incandescent lights and not a single window. The linen were white and grey also. On a table by the bed lay her phone and her tablet. She picked up the earlier to check her texts, then looked up at Waller who was standing in the door frame, arms crossed.

"I guess you will want to show me the facilities first before I unpack?", Felicity asked and then she was hurrying after Waller again.

There was the cafeteria where she could get food almost 24/7, the gym, and, most important of all, the base itself. She didn't exactly know if there was a name that she could call the room. It was big with a lot of computers and screens, some chairs, a red couch and a table. The computers were brand new, even better than what she had in the Arrow Cave, and she couldn't wait to get her hands on them.

During the tour she met Agents Johnson and Davis, two broad shouldered, square faced men and while Waller gave her a briefing on the goal of the operation Agent Miller introduced herself. Two more agents were on their way from the last mission they had worked. At no point, however, anyone made any allusion to the operation leader that had so desperately wanted her on his team as to risk a fall out with Argus.

"I will leave the rest for Agent Yamashiro to explain," Waller ended her soliloquy and then exited the room, apparently not caring at all about whether or not Felicity had understood everything. She sighed, hoping this was not how the next month or so would be like.

Yamashiro turned out to be her nightmare. She had seen his face repeatedly when she closed her eyes, his voice echoing in her mind.

_Oliver Queen is dead._

And here the assassin stood, as if it all hadn't happened.

"Miss Smoak, my name is Maseo Yamashiro. I will be working with you for the next weeks," he said, holding his hand out for her. She ignored it, staring at him intently. He let the hand sink again.

"Miss Smoak, I get that all this might be a little confusing, so if you want to-"

"You were there," she said, "When Ra's al Ghul stabbed him you were there, and you probably didn't even blink." She felt her eyes water. "Do they know you work for the League?"

"Argus is the reason why I live two lives," he answered, looking like he finally recognized her. "We all have to make sacrifices. But I don't think you get the full picture here. Follow me."

 _That is all Oliver is to you?_ , she almost yelled, _A sacrifice?_

The agent stopped at one of the doors to the agents quarters and opened it. "Go ahead."

The room was exactly like hers, dominated by a bed and furnished in steel and concrete. Someone was laying in the bed and a woman in blue scrubs was bent over that person, hiding them from view. There was a weird familiarity making her stomach churn. It wasn't the way the room smelled, sterile and like concrete, the way the whole building smelled. Neither was it the the room itself, cold and bare like her own, as if no one lived in it. And yet...

She was dimly aware of Agent Yamashiro retreating behind her, leaving the door open. _You can still leave_ , the voice in her head said. But to what avail? Counting Yamashiro and herself this was the last person she had yet to meet, the obscure operation leader.

The nurse shuffled past, closing the door behind her.

He sat upright, an array of pillows at his back. A big white patch covered the right side of his chest where the blade must have went in. Otherwise he looked as usual, short cropped hair and stubble on his jaw. Alive and healthy. When he saw her standing in the middle of the room he smiled.

"Felicity."


	10. Chapter 10

 She just stood there staring. At first he didn't see it but then she started to shake more violently. Was she crying?

"You're supposed to be dead," she said after forever. There were definitely tears.

He opened his mouth to speak, then realized he was missing the words. After Waller had told him that Felicity had agreed to help Argus he had thought the situation through a billion times. What she would say, what she would look like, what he would say to her…..but now he was too overwhelmed by her presence.

"I'm sorry," he finally managed.

That made her angry. Or maybe she had been angry the whole time? He couldn't tell.

"Sorry?," she echoed, her voice thick from crying. "After all this, after all the-" she sobbed "after all the things-" another sob "and all you can say is you're _sorry?_ "

"Felicity." He reached out for her.

She held her hands up protectively. "No. Oliver, please, don't. Don't."

Lowering her hands she took a deep breath, trying to calm down. He let her.

"I-I-I can't. Not now. I'm sorry," she said when she stopped shaking. Then she bolted from the room.

He let himself fall back into the pillows, huffing, running his hands through his hair, then settling them on his neck.

Of course this would have happened. Of course it would shock her more than any other re-appearance. She wouldn't have freaked out that much had he shown up at three in the morning at her place. She wouldn't have freaked out that much had he shown up at the club some night. She wouldn't have freaked out that much had he just sent her on a scavenger hunt for him, showing his face in random security cameras over the city. But no, he had to have her for the mission. A mistake, he realized. Mistake, mistake, mistake.

Just what could he do to make it up? To make everything up?

Five hours later a knock finally pulled him from pondering over that question. He pulled the sheets straight and tried not to look like he had spent hours trying to figure out what the heck exactly was wrong with him that he always had to hurt people, especially those he loved.

"Come in."

Felicity had returned. She pushed the door open with her back, carrying a tray in both hands.

"Hey," she said, trying her best to smile.

"Hey," he said back, surprised.

She held up the tray and took a deep breath. "I thought you might be hungry. And we need to talk."

She placed the tray on the table next to his bed and then stood there, awkwardly.

"You can sit wherever you want," he said, secretly hoping she would sit on the bed. Felicity choose the chair instead, only pulling it a little closer. He handed her one of the plates and then picked at his food with his fork. They started talking at the same time.

"Felicity, listen, when I said-"

"Oliver, I'm sorry for exploding-"

She looked back at her food.

"Can I talk first?," he asked. She nodded.

"When I said I was sorry…..I really am sorry. For everything. And I know that sorry is a small word that barely begins to encompass the apology I owe you and Diggle and everyone for all the pain I caused. But, I don't know how to phrase it differently, so I want you to know that when I said I was sorry, I meant it that way. And if there is any way - _anything_ that I can do _-_ to make it up to you…."

"I just have to ask for it," she finished for him. "You can start by telling me what exactly happened on that mountain and why you are with Argus now. But before that listen to me." She held up her hand silencing, staring at her food like it contained all the answers to the universe.

"I'm sorry for freaking out so much just now. I'm happy to see you and glad you told me you weren't dead _now_ and not in like two years because that would have been awful because who knows what might have happened to me then. I might have gotten over it and learned to live without you and two weeks were awful enough and oh God, I sound so weird right now….anyways. I'm glad to be here and know and maybe able to help and….."

She let out her breath loudly, leaving the thought unfinished. He had to smile.

"What?," she asked.

"Nothing. I just….I'm glad that you feel that way."

She smiled back and pulled the chair closer.

"So, the mountain, huh," he started, eating some of his food to make her wait a little. For emphasis, not because he didn't know how to put everything that had happened since he told her he loved her into words. "Let's see…."

He summed up everything that had happened, from the climb to Ra's al Ghul, Maseo, Argus, and what they planned to do as soon as he had recovered. She stared at him with wide eyes and put down a fork full of food more than once. When he repeated what he had said to Waller about why they needed Felicity on the team she laughed a little.

After they were done eating she went to dispose of their dishes and for a moment he was afraid she wouldn't come back. His fear was irrational however for she came strolling through the door minutes later, steering for the chair.

"No, wait," he said, patting the free side of the bed. She seemed to consider for a moment, then went around and sat down next to him.

"So, what are we going to do now?," she asked, falling back into the pillows.

He shrugged. "Talk, watch a movie...I don't know." Oliver tried his best to sound casual. He really had no idea how to approach this.

"A movie sounds good." She smiled and grabbed the remote. He lay back and tried to relax.


	11. Chapter 11

 He was doing the salmon ladder. He wasn't two days out of bed rest yet and he was doing the salmon ladder. 4th hook, 5th, 6th, 7th…

Then she remembered what day it was and had to laugh. Oliver dropped from the ladder and walked over. The white patch was gone and the scar showed like a red warning sign. _Careful, do not touch. Dangerous man, has knowledge of various weapons and how to use them in combat. May also cause heartache and or also headaches._

"What's so funny?," he asked.

"It's Wednesday. You used to do that every Wednesday."

He looked back at the ladder and gave a short laugh. "I didn't notice," he said while pulling his shirt back on.

 _I did_ , she thought.

"So, what are you doing here? Aside from reminiscing about what I do on Wednesdays?"

"I was going to grab lunch and thought I'll ask you if you want to join me. And after the workout you just completed you should be hungry."

He shrugged. "Not really."

"Well, you need to eat. So you're coming with me," she insisted.

Felicity dragged him out by the wrist and heard him chuckle an "As you wish, ma'am" behind her.

In the cafeteria she pushed a tray in his hands and started loading food onto it.

"Okay, who made you angry? Because you're kinda starting to scare me," he said.

"What? No. I'm not angry. I...sorry. I guess you can get your own food." She handed him the spoon, feeling a little deflated.

"Seriously though, is everything okay?," he asked.

"Yeah. I'm just...a little stressed out I guess. Anna asked me if I could keep tabs on her brother who went missing while on a mission and then Waller wants to have a report on the technological capabilities of Nanda Parbat by the end of the week and then we have all those meetings and ugh…."

He frowned at her. "Who is Anna?"

"Agent Miller, sorry. Her whole family practically works for Argus, her brother went missing on a mission two weeks ago and her cousin is looking for him now…..it's all very complicated."

"Well, at least you've been making friends," he said while sitting down.

"Because that's so important," she answered, sliding into the spot next to him.

"You're the IT specialist. You'll be supervising the whole operation and telling everyone where to go. It _is_ important that they trust you."

"Great." She let her head fall into her hand and played with her food.

He gave her shoulder a nudge. "Hey, at least you don't have to shove gym hours into that busy schedule of yours."

"Don't start with that. You _love_ your gym hours. Admit it."

He laughed. "I don't hate them, that's true. But that doesn't mean they can't be boring sometimes... hey, why don't you come and train with me and in return I'll help you with your report or whatever?"

"You and helping me with my report...sure. And, how exactly do you plan to do that?" She squinted, already feeling a little better. Less like the whole weight of the world rested on her shoulders. The food suddenly didn't look like a necessity anymore and Felicity took bigger bites.

"Well, I might not know so much about coding as you do, but I'm a professional Thesaurus user. I can help with the writing part."

Giggling she almost choking on her food. "Professional Thesaurus user."

"Hey, I mean it. I _can_ help."

She decided to let him dangle a little and finish eating first. Oliver looked at her expectantly over his almost empty plate.

"Yes or no, Felicity?"

"It's fine, I'll train with you regardless," she answered, dismissing him with a wave of her hand. "I was planing on going to the gym one of these days anyways."

"Great," he smiled, grabbing the empty trays. "I'll meet you there."

"Like now? But we just-"

He was gone before she could finish her sentence. So she got up, went to fetch her yoga pants and shirt, then met Oliver in the gym. He was already hanging from the salmon ladder again but pulled it down as soon as he saw her walk in.

He slapped the metal bar. "Come over here."

"No," she said almost immediately. "There's no way I'm doing that thing."

He chuckled. "Come here."

She went reluctantly. "You know I won't be able to make it even to the second hook."

"Yes you will. It's easy, really." He grabbed the bar and swung. "It's basically a pull-up, just that you swing a little like this-" He did. "-and then when you go up you swing back and-" He lifted the bar and placed it on the next hook. "-go like that." He sprung down with the bar and put it back into place. "Your turn."

She couldn't manage one pull up and her adventure with the salmon ladder went accordingly. He told her again and again to swing and to pull up but to no avail. It got even worse when he tried to help her because she spend all her willpower to not concentrate on his hands on her hips. All these movies in which jealous husbands thought their wife's had affairs with their gym trainers made a lot more sense afterwards. Not that making out with some guy who had touched her during a workout seemed a good idea. But this was Oliver, she already _had_ feelings for him and the fact that they were so _close_ didn't make it any better.

In the end she somehow miraculously ended up hanging from the second hook. That was only after he manually lifted her up.

"Awesome. Now that I'm up here, can I come down again?," she asked. The whole situation made her feel awkward and she desperately wanted to escape.

He chuckled and grabbed her by the waist, letting her slide down against him.

"I could've jumped," she said, backing away after she hit the ground. She ran into the ladder and petted it like the metal had actual feelings that got hurt when she hit it. Just another sign that she had absolutely no clue what she was doing.

"I know," he said. _But I wanted to lift you down_ , she added in her head. At least that's what she thought he would have thought. She hoped he did. Then she mentally chided herself. This wasn't the place nor the time, even if he did love her.

"Well, I'll be over there, doing sit-ups and other things I _can_ do." She pointed to the mats at the other end of the room, backing off.

"You're not mad at me, are you?," he called after her and for a second she thought she detected a whim of panic in his voice.

"Mad? No. Just...don't make me do that ever again."


	12. Chapter 12

 There were too many people in the building and no one that had gone in had come out so far.

"Roy?," she asked. "Can you hear me?"

"Not now, Thea, I'm trying to concentrate," he answered.

"And I'm trying to not get you killed. Listen. There are more than two dozen men in that building, all of them with guns and-"

"Thea, it's nothing. I can manage," he insisted.

"Roy-"

"Shut up."

She leaned back and took a deep breath. Just don't get angry. Keep calm.

On screen another vehicle arrived, bringing more men with more weapons.

"Damn you," she muttered and got out of the car. Pulling her hood up she started along the pathway around the warehouse. Two men were guarding the entrance and she took them down easily. The first was knocked out before he even knew what was happening. The second tried to land a blow but got his arm twisted and head knocked against the wall instead.

The door squeaked as she pushed it open and then someone called out asking in a colorful language what the guards were thinking coming inside. The speakers head made the acquaintance of the bricks soon after.

She looked around the room, deciding which hallway to take next when Roy's voice muttered through the headphone.

"Shit."

"What happened?," she asked.

He didn't answer. All she heard was a lot of grunting. She slipped the tablet out of her pocket, trying to get Felicity's software to pull up a three dimensional picture of the building or an infrared or whatever it was. Something else than this cursed satellite image, something where she could see who was inside and where. Before she could manage that it was silent on the other end.

"Roy?," she said hesitantly, almost too scared to ask.

"What the hell?," he answered.

"Where are you? I'm coming in."

"No, stay in the van. We can deal with this. Just get the van-"

That moment someone grabbed her from behind, cutting of her air. She struggled and managed to free herself of his grip. He went for her head and she ducked, so he only hit the wall. She went for his jaw with her elbow-

Another man had her by the mini ponytail in her hair, yanking her back. When he let go she stumbled forward, the first man catching her. He took her face in his hands, stroking a dirty, calloused finger over her cheek.

"Such a pretty face," he said. "Hate to damage it."

Then his fist was in her stomach and she couldn't do anything against it because the second man had a firm grip on her arms. She doubled over, not expecting it to hurt that much.

She tried to keep calm, not to panic, to think of a way to get out of this. Another blow came and another. Thea closed her eyes and took a deep, hurting breath. _Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional,_ her fathers voice echoed through her head, reminding her of what she had learned. It was weird to find solace in him after all he had done to her.

"That's right, honey, give up. It's better for you," the man behind her said.

Instead she threw herself into him and used him to kick his friend in the face. Her boots connected with an ugly crunch. He screamed as the blood spurted from his nose, desperately trying to stop the bleeding.

The second man put his arms around her, restraining her. She dropped to a crouch, toppling him over her shoulder. He stumbled into the other man, both losing their balance and falling to the floor, a scrambling mess of limbs. She kicked the heap on the ground before they could get up again.

Something hit her head, or would have if she had been standing still. As it was it hit her neck, heavy and cold.

She whirled around, her hand reflexively on the hurting part. A third man had come across the struggle, grinning through yellow, crooked teeth.

"You little bitch."

He swung the bat again and she ducked, charging him into the wall. She hit him. Up close his weapon was of no use so he dropped it and instead tried to push her away. She held him with her arm against his throat and hit him. His skin cracked under her fist, blood smearing all across his cheek. She hit him. His eye started to swell shut. She hit him. He lost consciousness, sacking against the wall, and, finally, she let go.

Her hands were warm and she tried to wipe off the blood on her jeans when an arm wrapped itself around her throat, squeezing, pulling her away from the unconscious form of the man - and let go as fast as it had come.

She turned around to where her attacker lay. A masked woman stood over him, staring at her. She was clad in black leather and wore her blond hair open.

The Canary.

Sara.

"No," Thea whispered. She wasn't sure if it was being used as a human punching bag or the fact that she was visited by a ghost made her want to throw up. "No, you're dead. I killed you. Oh my god, I killed you. I'm so sorry."

The woman smiled sadly. "Not exactly, Thea," she said with an oddly familiar voice.

That was when Roy found them, a sour expression on his face. He almost reminded her of Ollie then. "I told you to wait in the car."

"And I told you there were too many to fight alone," she spat back.

"You could've gotten yourself killed," he insisted.

"Yeah, well, I didn't."

The woman sighed loudly. "Can we please stop this? I get that you're mad at me for wearing Sara's mask and mad at Thea for walking into this blindly, but Ollie is gone and if you want to keep this" -she made an all-encompassing gesture- "up, you need all the help you can get. Which means Thea and me."

Roy muttered under his breath. "We can discuss this later. The police will be here any minute so we should be leaving."

The Canary glared at him. "I don't think there is anything to discuss, Roy."

"Oliver wouldn't want either of you out here," he defended his point.

"It's a good thing he's dead then," she answered, stomping out of the room. Finally Thea recognized her voice.

"Laurel?", Thea stared after her with confusion. When had Laurel learned to fight? Roy sighed and grabbed Thea by the arm, dragging her outside.

"We'll talk about that when we get home. Thea, where is the van?"

She broke away from him, hurrying after Laurel.

"Where I left it," she answered shortly.


	13. Chapter 13

 7:30 AM, that was what the clock on her nightstand said when Diggle called.

She picked up, careful not to make her "Hey, Diggle" sound too happy. She was in Rome, a beautiful city, away from all her problems, she could be a little happy. But not Oliver-is-alive-and-we-hang-out-a-secret-service-base-together happy.

"Hey, Felicity," he answered. "How are you?"

She huffed, knowing that that question would come.

"I'm good, Diggle," she said. "I told you when? Yesterday? I'm fine."

"Well, I wouldn't call running off to Rome to get yourself an Italian lover -Roy's words, not mine- fine. You can't run from any of it, you know? He's dead and sooner or later you have to cope with that-"

As if on cue Oliver walked into her room. His mouth was open as if he meant to say something and then saw that she was on the phone.

 _Diggle_ , she mouthed. He nodded, walked over, grabbed her tablet and let himself fall onto her bed, typing away.

"Sorry what?," she said, realizing Diggle had been talking the whole time. "I'm sorry. The room service just came in and I've been trying to usher him out again."

"I said that you can't run away from things forever. Sooner or later you have to face the fact that-" She never knew which fact he was talking about because Oliver started half-shouting Italian in a high pitched voice. Diggle stopped mid sentence and she did her best not to burst out laughing.

"No, I don't want- Can't you see I'm on the phone?," she replied putting a hand over the speaker, deciding to play along. "I….hey! I don't speak Italian! Me no parlo italiano or whatever. No. Go!"

Oliver had stopped babbling and lay on the bed, one hand holding his stomach, the other over his brow, laughing silently. He looked like he was going to burst.

"Sorry about that. That guy from room service has no manners at all. He keeps bursting into my room without knocking at the most inappropriate moments like last night when I just got out of the shower and...nevermind. So, again, what were you talking about?"

She had found it was easier to lie when she just changed things a little from what had originally happened. In reality Oliver had burst into her room when she just stepped out of the shower. When he saw that she only wore a towel he had turned red and closed the door again, waiting patiently outside until she had changed into her pajamas.

After she let him in they had talked a little more about the mission, waiting for the awkwardness to pass, then watched a movie together. Halfway through she was tempted to touch him -just take his hand, really- but then hadn't. She didn't know what held her back, but something did.

"...anyways, I was just going to check on you. And now I need to get Breakfast ready," Diggle was saying. Realizing that she hadn't been paying attention again made her feel even more guilty than talking to him did already. Oliver is alive!, she wanted to shout. But here she sat, unable to make her friends misery end.

"Say hi to Sara and Leyla from me, Diggle," she said, trying her best to sound upbeat.

"I will. Bye, Felicity."

"Bye, Diggle."

Leaving the phone on the bedside table she crawled up to Oliver, placing her head on his shoulder so she could have a look at the tablet.

"The blueprints? Again? We have done nothing else but look at them the last what, almost two weeks?," she asked.

He shrugged. "I need to remember them."

She tapped around on the screen, then sighed loudly. He closed the tablet and put it away.

"What is it?"

"I feel bad for Diggle," she admitted, readjusting her position so she could look at him. "First he has to put up with me being moody, then he has a family to take care of, I run off to 'Rome', God knows what Roy is up too, and with all that going on he has to deal with his own grief. For a man that's not even _dead_." She tapped his chest accusingly, bereft of any energy to be taken over seriously. "And I could end all of that by just telling him you're alive. But I can't because it's a secret operation and-and I just…" She sighed again.

"Hey," he said, brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes. "I'm sorry. I wish we could tell him…..I wish we could tell all of them. And I tried to persuade Argus to get all of you abroad. I really did-"

"I know. I figured you had."

He smiled sadly. "Sorry to pull you into all of this. I just…..I-"

"It's okay. You don't have to apologize every five minutes. You don't…..have to apologize for trying."

He leaned his forehead against hers. "Felicity."

She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to kiss him so badly right now, and yet she didn't. He'd told her he couldn't be with her, not as long as he was the Arrow, and she held to that. That's what held her back, even when he was so close she could feel his breath on her lips, when the only logical reaction would be to kiss him, when-

He kissed her. His lips met hers and then she was incapable of forming any coherent thoughts. He kissed her again and again. She put a hand on his neck, trying to keep him against her. He rolled over, leaning halfway over her. They kept kissing, his hands on her waist and her cheek, both of hers on his face.

Their first kiss in the hospital had been sad, something that could never be again. These kisses were better. Each promised another, each left her wanting more. She could feel him smile as they kissed and soon they were both grinning too broadly to do it properly.

So they just lay there, foreheads touching, thumbs tracing lazy circles on waists and cheeks.

"I pulled you into all of this because I needed you," he said, falling back into sullenness. "I tried to find other reasons, but I can't. In the end I didn't pause a moment to think about what it would mean for you, about the guilt, about anything but me, really, even if I tried to tell myself otherwise. I'm a selfish prick in the end and I'm-"

"Not sorry," she said, putting a silencing finger on his lips. "I can see that in your eyes."

She kissed him, long but simple.

"By that definition I'm a selfish prick too."

He laughed, kissed her and then rolled over so she was on top of him. Placing her hands on both sides of his face she balanced her weight into what she figured would be a more comfortable postition for him. Resting his head on the mattress he looked up at her.

"Breakfast," he said, furrowing his brows.

"What?"

"Breakfast. I came over to ask if you wanted to go grab breakfast."

She gave him a quick kiss, then slid back to give him room to get up.

"I'd love to."


	14. Chapter 14

 "Can you hear me?," Felicity's voice asked through the headset.

He leaned in close to her. "Yes."

She smiled.

"And everyone else can too," Agent Chang said grumpily.

Chang had been the last agent to arrive and seemed to dislike a majority of things, happiness above all. That had put Oliver and Felicity on the bottom of his acceptance list and several incidents of being late together and public display of affection hadn't exactly contributed to the relationship. Not to mention being stuck in an airplane together for a day.

"Okay," Felicity said ignoring his tone. "Everyone knows what they have to do? Nobody has any questions?"

There was an unanimous mutter of 'no' and she dismissed the team.

Oliver stayed behind. A sad smile was playing on her lips.

He wanted to ask if she was alright when she said: "I'll be okay. I'll be here and you'll go there and do whatever you have to do and then you'll come back and it's going to be okay."

And, for a moment he believed that it would be. He hugged her, resting his head on hers.

"Felicity, I-"

She pulled away. "Don't. Don't say it. The last time you said it you went up that mountain and I thought you were dead for two weeks. No. Say it when you come back. So you have to come back."

"Alright." He kissed her on the forehead and turned to leave.

She grabbed him by the hand. "I wish you wouldn't have done that."

He looked at her, frowning. "What?"

"Kissing me on the forehead. We're together, you can give me a real kiss."

"I thought I'd save that for later too. So I have two things to come back for."

She smiled a split second smile and pulled him back again. "That part doesn't fall under the previous rule."

So he kissed her, long and serious and sad. His arms were around the small of her back, holding onto her with all he had and her barely touching him at all. Thinking that he was ready he pulled away, only to come back for a second, short kiss.

He turned abruptly and walked away.

All he wanted was to go back, take Felicity and go some place where no one knew them. Leave everything behind, every mistake and every responsibility of the past and start over.

It was his weakness and the reason he thought he could never be with her, be with anyone.

"There you are. I was starting to wonder if you lovebirds would ever say goodbye to each other or if we had to violently rip you from her arms," Agent Miller interrupted his thoughts.

 _Lovebird_. The last time someone called him that was his mother teasing him about Laurel. The memory made him smile.

"I'm sorry if we took our time," he said, pulling the hood that came with the assassins garb over his head. Miller did likewise and that way they joined their team members.

"Let's do this," she said enthusiastically.

"Alright," Felicity said. "Oliver, you and Anna stick with Maseo; Chang and Stenowitz stay outside and the rest spread out along the courtyard."

It would be okay. All he had to do was follow her commands. Trust her and his instincts and it would be over soon.

They left two of the hooded figures behind and spread out through the building. He never thought that the League of Assassins consisted of so many people, counting those who probably were on missions right now.

"Do you guys really think this is such a great idea?," Felicity piped up after minutes of silence. "I'm not saying this is going bad or something, but just waltzing in the front door especially when it's really easy usually is the worst thing you can do, ever. But maybe I'm just paranoid and nervous and would feel a lot better with a back door."

They came to a stop as Maseo left them to talk to two league members.

"I'll just shut the microphone off so you won't have to hear my babbling," Felicity said.

"That would be my preference," Oliver answered. His nervousness had risen to a whole new level and hearing her talk about it going wrong only made it worse. He could hear her chuckle.

"What?," he asked, glad that the veil was hiding his smile.

"I just thought of something. I….I'll tell you later. I'll write it down so I won't forget it. And now we're up to two things on the to do when you get back list." With that there was a click and she probably shut the microphone off.

Next to him Agent Miller giggled. He raised his eyebrows questioningly and she said: "You two are just really cute."

"I believe Agent Chang begs to differ," was all he said and then fell into step behind Maseo again. Miller laughed and hurried after them.

A click indicated that Felicity was ready to give the next instructions. "There is a passage to your right about now and -what are you doing? The hallway leads to a flight of steps that lead directly into what I like to call the Throne room. Why are you walking straight ahead?"

"There was no hallway, Felicity," he answered. "But there are stairs going down right ahead of us so we go the next level and somehow find our way back."

"What do you mean no hallway?," she echoed, panic rising in her voice. "I have the plans right in front of me. There should be a passage. It's in the prints. This isn't Hogwarts, Oliver, what's in the plans should be where it is-"

"Felicity, calm down, okay? Everything is fine. Just find a way back to the Throne room," he tried to soothe her.

"She is right, Oliver," Maseo said in front of him. "There was a hallway, I'm sure of it. I would have pointed that mistake out if I hadn't been sure there was a way."

"Maybe it was just not fit for use anymore?," Agent Miller offered. "Or it wasn't aesthetic enough anymore."

"Feng Shui issues," Agent Johnson cackled through the headset.

"Or maybe Yamashiro just remembered it wrong," Stenowitz said. "I mean, this place is huge."

Felicity took a deep breath, muttered a 'yeah, okay', and continued to guide them through the maze that was the fortress of the League of Assassins.

Oliver couldn't blame her for the panic attack. His own anxiety was rising with every step they got closer to accomplishing their goal and the mistake with the passageway had left him with a bad feeling. Bow and Arrows would be a welcoming comfort but it was not custom to be fully armed in Nanda Parbat or so he had been told. A dagger and a short sword were all he had therefore.

When they finally made it to the throne room Ra's al Ghul stood facing the wall, his back turned on them. Nyssa al Ghul stood beside him, her eyes locked coolly on the visitors.

"We have guests, father," she said, announcing them.

Ra's turned with a cold expression. "Sarab," he said. "I have been expecting you."

"You have, master?," the assassin replied, trying to sound unfazed.

"Of course." The head of the demon smiled unnervingly and that was when Oliver realized why they couldn't find the passage. "Nyssa, be so good to escort Sarab to the cells and take his female friend with him."

There was no passage because the blueprints were fakes.

"Oliver, what is happening?," Felicity's voice cracked through the headset.

A trap.

The demons head stepped forward, ripping the veil from Oliver's face. Then he took a step back again, giving him a once over.

"You should have stayed with your green hood," he said. "Our garb doesn't flatter you at all."


	15. Chapter 15

 Thea drew in a sharp breath as the needle pierced her skin.

"You okay or are you gonna faint?," Roy asked, trying to sound light.

She glared at him over Laurel's shoulder. "I'll survive if that's what you mean."

A long, ugly gash stretched along Thea's shoulder and arm. They had done their best to get the bleeding under control and now Laurel was stitching it up, but she would have a scar. A big, visible scar.

"Well, that was kinda stupid of you," Diggle said. He was leaning against a pillar with a look on his face that Roy couldn't quite describe.

They had tried to stop a bank robbery and succeeded, the only mishap Thea's arm and because of that they had called Diggle for the van. That had been his only involvement that night. Well, except for scrubbing blood from the floor.

"Just what exactly were you thinking?"

Roy got the impression that he tried to be angry at them, tried to be the authoritative figure in the group, tried to lead them and take both Oliver _and_ Felicity's places. But, in the end it was just Diggle and all Diggle ever was was the worried friend who looked out for your emotional well being and happened to have military background.

"We were thinking about stopping those criminals. I got hurt. It happens all the time," Thea defended herself.

"But why, Thea? You're untrained, you don't know what you're doing-"

"I spend months with my father in Corto Maltese. I know how to fight. I know-"

"How not to get hurt? Because we have a bucket with blood soaked rags that shows the complete opposite," Roy interrupted.

"That's _physical_. It'll heal."

"Thea, this isn't what Oliver would've wanted," Diggle said.

"Done," Laurel announced, presenting her bloody masterpiece. She took another wet towel and cleaned up Thea's arm before patching it up.

"You're right," Thea said. "That's exactly what Ollie wouldn't want."

Roy leaned forward in Felicity's chair. "So you decided to do it?"

"No. But Ollie is dead. Because of me. Because I killed Sara. And no," she shut him down before he even started, "I don't care if Merlyn set me up to it. In the end I shot the arrows. The city is two desperately needed Vigilantes short. Because of me. I _owe_ the people of Starling." She slid off the table and shrugged her torn hoodie back on. "So, if I see an opportunity to make it up, I take it."

"And get yourself killed in the process?," Diggle asked. "Oliver-"

"Don't tell me what Ollie would have wanted," she said dangerously calm and left.

"I'll talk to her," Roy muttered and went after her.

He found Thea in the alley way behind the club, starring at the trash container like it would suddenly reveal the answers to the universe to her. She didn't turn when she heard him approach.

"I needed some air," she said.

"You mean you don't want to talk," he replied.

"If you've come to tell me that I should stay home and bake cookies while you guys are out risking _your_ lives, then no, I'm not interested."

He had to laugh. "No. I was going to say that Oliver wanted this city to be safe. And, I think if you can contribute to that he would have come to accept that. I mean, he would have fought you tooth and nails on it, but he would've said yes eventually."

She turned, smiling weakly. Her eyes sparkled with tears.

"But, I also think you don't have to go and recklessly throw your life away."

"Isn't that sort of in the job description? You go out and one day you won't come back."

"Yeah. But you always try to make that day _tomorrow_ and not today."

They were silent for a while; Roy stepping closer to her, playing with the fringes of her hoodie. The blood had already dried, stiffening the edges. Thea was looking up at him like she wanted to say something but couldn't find the words.

"When I'm out there, when I'm physically active, that's the only time I feel good. It's like i can switch of my emotions and put my brain on stand by. I can get rid of all the anger and the hurt. And," she held a finger up, silencing any attempt to talk, "I know that probably isn't really healthy, but it's the only way I know how to cope right now."

He drew her into his arms, hugging her tightly. She fisted the shirt and buried her head in it.

"How do you do it?," she muttered into his chest. "When you were on Mirakuru you killed two men. How do you live with that?"

He shrugged and pulled away. "I don't know. I-I didn't remember that I did it at first. My Mirakuru wired brain had somehow blocked it out, stashed it away somewhere deep, deep down. Until Sara died no one told me. And then the nightmares started. I thought Sara's death was on me because that's what I dreamt about, killing Sara, jabbing those Arrows into her." He shuddered at the fake memories and even more about the real ones. "Felicity helped me remember and ever since…." He trailed off. It helped not to dwell on it and he made up for it every time he put on the Arsenal costume.

Thea looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. "Does it help? Remembering what you did?"

"A little," he admitted. "The memory is a little surreal, it's like it's me but then again not. I can feel my arms beating the officers, but my mind isn't into it. I think it's wrong and yell at myself to stop. It reminds me that although I did this I'm not guilty or something. I mean, I am guilty, but this way I...I don't bury myself in it."

She looked at him, long and thoughtfully. "Do you think it's possible for me to remember too?"

He shrugged. "One way to find out."

Roy pulled her back into the cave where Laurel had already left. Diggle was cleaning up some more blood but gladly headed back home after they told him they would take care of it. Then Roy lighted a candle and shut down the lights. He sat on the ground with the candle in front of him.

"What are you doing?," Thea asked from where she lounged in Felicities chair.

"Come here," he answered, patting the floor on the opposite side of the candle.

"Do you trust me?," he said when she had sat down. She nodded and he went on. "Close your eyes. Now take a deep breath. And again. Concentrate on it." He waited until their breaths came in the same steady rhythm. "Can you remember how it feels to hold a bow?"

"Roy, I've never-"

"Shhh. Stay calm. Try to imagine holding a bow. Try to remember it. Can you do that?"

"Yes," she said, breathing out.

"What else can you remember?," he asked.

"I'm up high. I can feel the wind on my face but I'm wearing a hood so my hair isn't everywhere. I hold the bow and I aim….I aim oh god-" Her legs shot out from under her and she lurched forward, somehow managing to knock the candle over. It guttered out, leaving them in almost complete darkness. Roy crawled over to where she sat, guided by her choke and sobbing sounds.

"Hey," he said, pulling her against him. Rubbing her arms he tried to calm her down again. "Shhh...it's okay. Hey."

"I killed Sara. I hold that bow and I know it's disgusting and wrong and I still do it. I killed Sara and I killed Ollie and this whole mess is my fault. It's all my fault!"

In the darkness he couldn't read her expression but he knew her well enough to imagine it. Her mouth slightly open, features contorted in anguish as she was crying waterfalls onto his shirt. "It's not your fault. It's Merlyn's," he muttered, not sure she could hear him. If she did she didn't reply. Not that it mattered. He would probably have more than one opportunity to tell her.

Roy would do it gladly. She needed someone and he would be there for her. They would get through this together.


	16. Chapter 16

 He kept his eyes locked on Ra's al Ghul even as Nyssa escorted Maseo and Agent Miller out of the room. When they were alone the head of the demon turned back to him and took a step forward.

"You're not dead, I see," Ra's began to drawl. "Come to kill me, have you?"

There were several ways to go about this. He could be submissive and beg for forgiveness. He could panic and make a run for it. Instead he chose defiance.

"I still could," he answered coolly. Oliver wasn't exactly sure he could. Ra's would probably disarm him before he could take the two steps he needed to reach the other man.

"You could," Ra's agreed, taking another step forward, "but you're holding back. Maybe because you know that you are only alive because I want you to be."

"Oliver?," Felicity asked again. Panic was rising in her voice. "Oh my god, this isn't happening. Are you still there? Can you hear me?"

He ignored her and frowned at Ra's. "What do you mean?"

"On that mountain, if I truly wanted you dead I wouldn't have stabbed you _here_ " -he tapped Oliver's chest, exactly where the blade had gone in, as if he had memorized the spot. Maybe he had- "when the human heart is _here_ " -he moved his finger to the left.

Oliver held the spot Ra's had tapped, mainly because he was remembering the searing pain of being almost killed, partly to permanently activate the microphone. The other end of the line was silent for the moment but he knew Felicity was going to assume _something_ if she didn't get an update soon.

"But I didn't want to take your heart, not when it is so young and in full bloom. Ripping you from your friends and family, destroying buds before they can blossom into flowers...sometimes it's necessary. Not in this case, however."

"What are your real reasons, Ra's?," Oliver insisted. This was the head of the League of Assassins. There was no way he got off the hook so easily.

The demon's head chuckled. "You didn't deserve to die. You are no murderer."

Oliver heard steps behind him and knew Nyssa had returned.

"I thought we were over that? I killed Sara, I confessed."

"Confess you did," she said, stepping forward, closing in on him, "kill Ta-er al-Sahfer? No. I saw your face when you delivered the news of her death, Oliver. It means as much to you as it does to me. You didn't shoot her, yet you protect her killer."

He realized arguing about the first part would be no help so he simply said "I don't know who killed her if that's what you want to know. You threatened to kill innocent people that had nothing to do with any of this, so I acted."

He didn't even remember coming up with this lie but he delivered it. And it wasn't exactly a lie. Thea was innocent, in some weird and twisted way. She had shot Sara, killed Sara, but yet she it wasn't her fault.

"We know," Nyssa said. "That is why we let you come here. Your actions show your faith and your devotion to your city. We decided to give you time. To let the people you left behind find the person responsible for Ta-er al-Sahfer's death."

It didn't make any sense. "How did you know I wouldn't bleed to death after you shoved me down the ravine?"

"Sarab," Ra's answered nonchalantly. "We know about his history with Argus. We know about his history with you."

"So you're saying you knew he was still working for Argus? That he might be informing on you?"

"The League knows Argus well. It was only a matter of time until they would send someone to spy for them." Nyssas smile was cruel. "We only needed to watch closely to find out who. Sarab was not always as subtle as he likes to think he was."

"And you let him continue regardless?" Oliver tried his best not to let his incredulity show.

"There is a saying in the English language, I believe. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. One can feed lies to a spider if one knows who it is. The hallway for example. I am sure you noticed that? We did cover it up. You would have come out right there" -she pointed to an opening in the side of the wall- "Great for an assassination, but not for our purposes. Sarab stole blueprints that were inaccurate as soon as he left with them."

"But now he knows. What are you going to do to him?," Oliver asked, trying not to let the concern show. He had always considered Maseo a friend. A friend he had now exposed and condemned to death.

The demons head looked amused from one to the other. Ra's al Ghul with a sword was frightening, the same man with a sly smile on his face? It was somehow worse.

"Oh, I'm sure Argus will stage some great escape," Nyssa said.

"You're not going to kill them?" That was a relief, but at the same time there were worse fates than death.

Nyssa's look bordered the annoyed, as if the answer to that question was totally obvious. "It is solely up to Argus what happens to Sarab. The girl we will let live, Oliver, as we will you."

"Then why bring me here?" He felt like a fourth grader who repeatedly asked the same question to make sure he understood it completely. The League was giving him an inferior complex and he didn't like it.

"As I said, to give you time. While you were gone your friends will have made inquiries about what happened that night, if only to find who is responsible for your death too. Ta-er al-Sahfer's killer is still out there while the justice of the League of Assassins awaits them. You will return to Starling City and find the person responsible. Then you will hand them over to the League and no longer meddle with the issue. You now have 48 hours to do so," Nyssa explained.

48 hours to fly back to Starling, explain to everyone how he wasn't dead, resume his position as the Arrow and come up with a plan that satisfied the League but didn't involve his sisters execution.

"I need more time than that. Give me a week."

"48 hours, Oliver. The longer you stay here the more you waste of it." Her face was cold as stone. He knew what it meant. Someone was going to die to avenge her loves death, no matter the cost to find that someone.

"72 hours. I have to fly back to the States," Oliver said. He was too close to begging for his liking.

"72 hours," she agreed. "Now leave."


	17. Chapter 17

 Oliver was as taut as bowstring when he came back, his hands fists at his sides and his lips thin white lines.

"Well, that didn't go half bad," Agent Johnson tried to lighten the mood. He looked like he was prepared to go on so Felicity shook her head no at him. It was already too late.

"Is this a joke to you, Agent?," Waller asked sharply. She had arrived during Olivers conversation with Ra's al Ghul, only slightly showing how annoying the turn of events was. Annoyed. Not upset, not panicking, not frustrated. Annoyed. Like she had tried to swat a bug and it had flown away. Felicity didn't think her her opinion of Argus could get any lower but the other woman was full of surprises.

Johnson muttered a 'no' and shuffled towards his seat. Felicity was already seated, exhausted but relieved that Oliver was okay and glad to finally go home. Of course the whole ordeal wasn't over, yet sometimes you had to appreciate the little things. And for now that was him sitting next to her, jamming the seat belt buckle like it had personally murdered Sara.

When they were safely in the air Waller turned so she could see the remaining team members.

"Today we have been tricked and outsmarted by Ra's al Ghul and the League of Assassins, but this operation is far from over. The League has given us three days to come up with another way to bring them down, three days to come up with another plan. I want-"

That was when Oliver exploded. "No. No more _we_. No more Argus." He jumped up and started walking towards Waller. "You have no right t say anything about this matter anymore," he wasn't yelling. Not exactly. He was clearly agitated but his voice was cool, more on edge than raised as he jabbed his finger into her face. "Every time some threat becomes more than Argus can handle the solution is nuclear warfare. Killing thousands of innocents is easy when the issue doesn't even concern you. It's time for this problem to be handled by those who it does concern."

He turned and walked back towards his seat. Throwing Waller one last hateful look he sat down again.

"You can drop us off in Starling City, Team Arrow will handle the rest."

She wanted to say something, comfort him in some way, but she couldn't come up with a single word that would have any soothing effect on him. She had never seen him this angry before.

"You know my opinion on _Team Arrow_ , Mr. Queen," Waller answered.

"A group of untrained amateurs that hunt petty criminals for a hobby," he said. "But that group of untrained amateurs defeated Slade's army, saving thousands of peoples lives where you would have bombed the city with nuclear warheads."

"We will not attack Starling City with a nuclear warhead if that is what you fear, Mr. Queen," Waller replied. "In fact, weapons of mass destruction will be of no use in any of this."

"I was metaphorically speaking. Sending me in to assassinate Ra's al Ghul is the more subtle equivalent of sending a nuclear missile after him. I have no part in Argus conflict with the League and I regret even agreeing to do this. Ra's isn't the problem here and I refuse to work in further cooperation with Argus." Oliver was glowering, his jaw set in a hard, cold line.

Waller crossed her arms in front of her chest and regarded him coolly. "As you wish." Then she disappeared to speak to the pilot.

Felicity desperately wished for the right words to tell him it was the right decision and that they would figure it out. She reached out and squeezed his hand. He squeezed back, relaxing visibly.

"My guess is that you want me to run facial recognition software and see if Merlyn is in Starling?," she asked.

He gave her something like a smile. "See, there is a reason I fell for you."

She smiled. "How exactly did you do that anyways?"

He frowned at her as she rummaged in her bag for her tablet. When she got it she started the software.

"Hey, I'm just trying to make conversation, because, you know we are in an airplane on a 24-hour flight back home. There is not much to do and brooding over the problem won't exactly help. So I'm trying to-"

"-get my mind off it. I get it." He ran his hands through his hair. Felicity set up the program to search for any sign of the Dark Archer. "I just….I….."

"First we'll find Merlyn, which I have done everything I can right now," she said, holding up the tablet. "We'll deliver him to the League where he will face the justice that is due to him. And then we'll figure out Thea."

He kissed her temple, then pulled her into his arms. "I just…..wish I knew what to do. Knew how to keep her out of all of this…."

She snuggled against his shoulder and looked up at him. "Maybe that's the problem," she said earnestly. "Thea is old enough to get into this mess, she should be old enough to get out. Old enough to fight her own battles. I know she's your little sister, but at some point you have to stop seeing her as this fragile little girl. At some point you have to tell her _everything_."

Oliver looked at her thoughtfully. For a moment she feared she had said something wrong, that she had set him on edge again.

"I'm her big brother, I've always protected her," he said softly.

"Some things even you can't protect her from." She was stroking his cheek and he grabbed her hand, pressing her palm flat against his skin.

"It's hard, though."

She gave him an encouraging smile. "If we go right about this you'll have all the time in the world to figure it out."

"Unless I lose her first because I told her all the things I've been keeping from her for two years."

Felicity turned his head so he was facing her. _You won't_ , she wanted to say, but the words would be hollow. She didn't know that he wouldn't. Not for sure. Instead she kissed him.

"So, how I fell for you….," he mused as she let her head fall against his shoulder. "When I was with Argus in those five years we….we actually worked a job in Starling City. I had to break into Queen Consolidated and while I was in my mother's office I had to hide because a certain IT worker walked in with files. I saw you and-"

"Oh god, please don't tell me I was talking to myself," she interrupted.

"You weren't talking to yourself. You were talking to a picture on the desk," he said, trying to allow her some dignity. She groaned regardless. "You called me cute and said it was a shame I was dead."

Felicity tried to bury her head between him and the seat. "That can't be seriously how you fell for me."

"It's not," he answered, forcing her to look at him. "Then I just thought that you were someone I'd like to meet when I got back. I fell for you, Felicity Smoak, over time as we worked together. With every time you babbled and then got self conscious about it. With every time you thought personal space was an unnecessary concept. With every time you encouraged me to do good, every time you showed me how not to lose myself while saving the city. And then I was in the middle before I knew I had begun."

She smiled and kissed him.


	18. Chapter 18

 Felicity parked her car on the opposite side of the apartment building. They had dropped off their things - Felicity's things really, Oliver didn't bring anything to the base to begin with - at her apartment and had promptly ditched the Argus driver. Then they had driven to his place. The search for Merlyn had brought no results so far, making Thea priority number one.

"Let's hope she's there," he said, doubtfully scanning the building.

"You're stalling," Felicity answered with a half smile.

Sighing he unbuckled and got out of the car. Felicity rolled the window down and leaned over, smiling encouragingly. "I will be right here, waiting for you. It's going to be okay. You're not going to lose her."

He nodded, trying to give her an optimistic smile back, while his anxiety tore him to pieces on the inside. As he walked inside and up the stairs he tried not to think too much about what could possibly happen in the next 48 hours. For now he only needed to worry about getting Thea to understand without-

The moment the door closed behind him a letter opener flew in his direction. He barely evaded it and it embedded itself between two bricks of the wall.

Thea stared at him with wide eyes, as if she knew what she was seeing but couldn't quite comprehend it. "Ollie," she whispered after forever.

"Ollie," she said louder, and then she was in his arms and they were hugging and it felt like home. He was crushing her against him and she was squeezing his rib cage to a level where it started to hurt, but it was alright. This was Thea, this was home, and this was likely the last hug they would ever share. Because after what he had to tell her he might lose her figuratively and in two days he would almost definitely lose her literally. So, he just held her until the pain of knowing what was about to come ripped him into pieces and the only way of putting them back together was making it reality.

He pushed her away gently. "Thea….," he started, doing his best to fight the tears in his own eyes.

"Ollie," she said again, smiling and crying at the same time.

He took a deep breath. "Thea, we need to talk."

She shook her head. "No. No, it's okay. I don't want to know where you were, what happened, why you were gone so long. You're here, you're alive, that's all that matters. I'm just so happy to see you."

She hugged him again and he held her for a little while. Then he picked her up and carried her over to the couch. "You might want to sit down for what I have to say."

"Ollie…." she let her head fall onto his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," he said. His voice was already breaking and he hoped it would last until he was done.

"When I got back from the island you kept saying I was hiding something, and you were right. But I couldn't tell you, tell mom, tell anyone. What happened on Lian Yu…..it changed me. The man that came back wasn't a bit like your brother. I learned to fight there and...before Dad killed himself he told me that he had failed this city. He gave me a book with names of the rich and influential - the conspirators of the Undertaking as it turned out - and when I got back home, I was adamant about righting his wrongs. I'm the Arrow, Thea."

He paused to catch his breath. She reached out stroking his cheek, nodding understandingly. Clearing his throat he continued.

"When the Gambit went down I wasn't the only survivor. For a while Sara was with me on the island and then things happened and I thought she had died. She was washed up on another shore and taken in by the League of Assassins. There she learned to fight and became the Canary. She came back to Starling to follow up on a lead and the she...then she..."

"I know," Thea said. "Laurel told me."

He nodded, not sure how to go on. Start with what he knew about her time with Merlyn or with her fathers involvement in Sara's death. Oliver decided for the former.

"I know that you were with your father while you were in Corto Maltese, and it's okay. I understand. But, Malcolm Merlyn is a dangerous man. Everything he taught you about fighting he learned from Ra's al Ghul, the head of the League of Assassins. Merlyn was one of them too and it became an essential part of his personality.

With the Undertaking he violated one of the Leagues main principles. Now there is a blood debt between Merlyn and Ra's al Ghul. The only way that will end is if either of them dies and Merlyn….he…" Oliver took a deep breath. He wasn't sure he could say the next words out loud to her.

"He tried to get me to settle that problem for him. He forced me to take responsibility for Sara's death, leading to a single combat with Ra's al Ghul. Ra's almost killed me but I thought I had gotten away and spend the last two months trying to entangle this mess.

Then I met Ra's again and as it turns out I'm only alive because he wants me to be. The League gave me an ultimatum, to find Sara's murderer or they will start killing innocent citizens."

Thea stared at him in horror. She sat up, scooting a little away from him. He hadn't even told her the horrible part yet but her reaction made him pause. Instead of continuing his narrative he gave her the opportunity to speak.

"Thank you," she said after forever. "Thank you for finally telling me. Thank you for protecting me and risking your life for me. But this-"

"Thea-"

"I know, Ollie, okay? I _know_. I found the Arrowcave and your phone with the video of Sara's murder. I made Roy tell me what exactly has been going on. I know everything, Ollie, and this charade has to end. I killed somebody, under drug influence or not, and I have to be brought to justice for that."

Now it was his turn to stare in horror. The picture of his baby sister having to suffer through all that alone felt like a punch in the stomach. He should have been there for her, help her understand that it wasn't her fault, that it was Merlyn's doing, all of it. Instead he had wasted his time chasing the man who wanted her dead to the end of the world. He opened his mouth to say something, anything to make her understand how sorry he was, but she was faster.

"I will seek out the League in the morning and I will tell them that it was me who killed Sara. They deserve the truth and if they want my death no one will stop them. But this is my best shot and this way at least I can make sure they will track down Merlyn and bring him to justice too."

He knew this had to end, had accepted the inevitable. And now she sat not a foot away from him and it changed everything. How could he even think about letting her do this?

She was getting up and he grabbed her hand. "Thea-"

"Don't Thea me, Ollie," she said, tears streaming down her face. Sobbing she threw her arms around him, holding on just a little too tight. "Maybe I'll see you again, big brother."

Then her warmth was gone and the last he saw of her was the bob of dark hair disappear through the doorway. Defeated he sank down on the couch, ready to let the tears flow freely, ready to let himself fall apart. Minutes passed in which he sat like that, waiting for his body to respond to any of it, his head buried in his hands. He expected the big, gaping hole in his heart to start hurting, but it was just that, an empty hole with nothing left to make him feel anything.

There was a tentative knock on the door.

"Oliver, what happened? I saw Thea storm out of the building and..."

He turned to look at Felicity and she trailed off. She walked over to where he sat, taking his hands in hers.

"Hey, what happened?"

"She is going to turn herself in," he said as if it explained everything. Maybe it did because she hugged him.

Oliver wanted to cry, his brain told him the reasonable response would be crying, yet his eyes stayed dry. The whole situation made him sad and angry and above all he was done. He just wanted it to be over, to curl up in the deep dark hole and forget everything. Felicity ran her fingers through his hair soothingly.

"Thea found out on her own while I was gone. She said she appreciated me finally telling her and then left."

Stroking his cheeks she looked up at him sympathetically. There was still hope in her eyes. Hope that they found a solution, hope that everything would get better.

"What are you going to do now?"

He took a deep breath. Two more days. All he needed to do was keep it together for two more days.

"What Thea said," he told her. "Find Merlyn and make sure he pays."


	19. Chapter 19

 "Leave," Felicity told him and he paused to look at her. "pace around the rooftops, stop a petty theft or something, but stop running around like a dog chasing it's own tail. It's not helping anyone and I can't concentrate on finding Merlyn."

Oliver gave a sort of snort, then grabbed his bow and quiver, tense with what she hoped was anticipation and nothing else.

"I love you," he said, kissing her forehead. She grumbled disapprovingly, making him smile. "It's not like I'm going someplace the possibility of me dying is high, so I figured I could say it. Besides, I forgot to tell you on the plane."

With a brief kiss on the lips he turned to jog up the stairs, leaving her to smile after him. Oliver was right. He wasn't like to die tonight and somehow that made letting him go all too easy. For a second she allowed herself to think that maybe that was how it would feel the night he didn't come back. Then she took a deep breath and turned back to finding Merlyn. If she didn't concentrate on her job she would find out sooner rather than later what that night would feel like. Not like she already had once. But, that hadn't been final. The next time however-

The door opened again, thankfully interrupting her thoughts. Diggle smiled at her and she got up to hug him.

"Good to see you, Felicity," he said.

"Same here, John." She smiled and prepared to ask how Lyla and Sara were doing when the facial recognition software had a hit. She started to type away on the computer furiously, getting a permanent track on Merlyn. He was somewhere in Starling and that meant they would get him. This time the magician would pay for what he did.

"I ran into Oliver on my way in here," Diggle said. "He looked good. A little too good for Oliver in this kind of situation, to be honest. Normally he's bossy and broody all over."

She took a moment to frown at him, then shrugged. "Now that you mention it….but he's restless as always, so no need to worry."

Felicity tried not to grin broadly. She had that effect on Oliver. She hadn't even realized it until Diggle brought up his usual behavior, but it was true. The only thing that had changed between Slade's attack and now was them, and yet Oliver seemed more at peace, calmer, and somehow more accepting of facts. Less detached of his feelings and somehow managing them. It made her happy, which should be absolutely impossible right now.

"Well, it's not bad I guess…", Diggle was saying. Then he squinted at her as if he had an idea that he was still trying to puzzle out. "Wait. Are you two…? You were with him at Argus, right? Did you two…?"

"Maybe," she answered his unfinished question. It was obvious what he was talking about and they very much had. Right now, however, it wasn't important. Finding Merlyn and getting the League out of Starling was.

She handed Diggle an earpiece. "Why don't you take the van now and we talk about this later. There are more pressing matters at hand."

He nodded silently, took a gun, and left. She admired his ability to switch focus so on point, something she should do too. Felicity turned her attention back to the screen and her keyboard. She was only a few keystrokes away from finding Merlyn.

"Any petty theft for me to stop?," Olivers voice cracked through the intercom.

"I have my hands full with Merlyn," she replied. "Diggle just left with the van and if everything goes as I want it to you two should be chasing after the Dark Archer any second."

"What about Roy?"

"Said he'd be here any minute."

"Good," he said taking a deep breath.

She nodded, her head falling into rhythm with the little circle that indicated that the software was loading the results. Then there was a little _bing_ and she could see Merlyn on the map the way she could see Oliver and Diggle. A not so colorful dot tagged with a name.

"120th street. Just around the corner of Merlyn Global Group. Let's call it MG, okay? Anyways, Oliver, it's to your right if you face Palmer Tech."

They started to move, Oliver jumping from rooftop to rooftop and Diggle taking the Highway.

"He's on top of MG now, and….he just stopped. Doesn't move at all," she gave them the update.

"What's he doing there?," Oliver asked.

"I'm on it," she replied, pulling up Satellite pictures and zooming in. It made no sense. "Looks like he just stands there, looking at Starling…."

"Maybe he had an epiphany about what an absolute douche he is," a voice said behind her.

"Roy's here," she announced for Oliver and Diggle. "Suit up," she told him.

"What, no 'Hi Roy, nice seeing you here'?," he replied, grabbing his things.

She whirled around with her chair, arms spread wide.

"Hey," she muttered as he gave her a quick squeeze. He went to change and she watched the monitor again. Merlyn still made no sign of movement.

"Diggle you need to take a right turn at 120th. Oliver, straight and then - or that way, you got it. Roy," she waved him over. "The fastest way to MG is going up here, then across this row of houses and then over here and there."

He followed her finger on the screen and nodded. Grabbing the blue hoodie that had been laying on the table he turned to leave. "Hey, the video in which Thea...you know…..the video Merlyn made. Can you hack into his files and delete every copy of it? It wouldn't do good if the League saw it."

"Roy…," Felicity started, unsure how to put it. How did you break those kind of news? "Thea is going to turn herself in. She made it very clear to Oliver she didn't want to argue on that point and that it would go down no other way."

"Good I'm not Oliver then," Roy answered. His voice was determined, the grip on his bow firm.

She sighed, putting her head in her hands. Didn't he see that there was no other way? That it didn't matter?

"Felicity, please?"

Nodding she turned back to the screen. Placing the map of Starling in the corner she opened up another window to hack into Merlyn's files. She would trace every move he had made with it and, if necessary, would hack every person he had send it too. Even if it was only too reassure Roy that there was a way somehow only he could see. "Okay, I will. Now get your ass out of here and up the roof tops."

The Arsenal chuckled and left. In the corner of her eye Felicity could see the dot labeled 'Merlyn' start moving, Oliver close on his tail.

"I think he spotted me," he said.

"Good thing you're not alone then," Roy announced himself to the rest of the group.

On the other end of the line she could hear Oliver laugh. Well, as good as you could laugh while running in pursuit of an evil master mind. The sound was nice to hear anyway. _Maybe, just maybe,_ she thought as she deleted files, _Roy wasn't wrong to have hope still. Maybe things wouldn't end as gruesome as they anticipated._


	20. Chapter 20

 The man knelt in the middle of the roof, hands up surrendering. A trick arrow bound his legs to the ground and Oliver had two arrows notched at him, just to be sure.

"Malcolm Merlyn, you have failed this city."

A red figure swung onto the roof. Roy was coming towards them, his bow too raised at Merlyn.

"Ah, come on, you're not going to kill me. You're not a killer, Oliver. You showed that when you faced Ra's al Ghul. To be honest I thought you were dead," Merlyn said, his voice still light, although there was something else with it.

"So did a lot of people," Roy said. "You can take some comfort in knowing you weren't the only one who was wrong."

Then another figure slipped from the shadows, silently making their way to Merlyn. It looked like a girl but in the darkness he wasn't sure. The blue hoodie she wore, torn on one side, muddled her frame and obscured her face. As she turned to Merlyn his eyes grew wide and for the first time something like fear crossed his face.

"You have failed this city, father, but most importantly you have failed me," the girl said and for a moment he didn't recognize it was Thea, her voice cracked and broken. How had she found them? "I came to you for strength and comfort, to learn how to take care of myself, and you turned me into a killer. You made me murder a friend and then you almost killed my brother. You will answer for your crimes by the justice of the League of Assassins."

"Thea," Merlyn pleaded. "Thea you can't mean that. If you tell them you fired the arrows at my command they will kill you!"

"You shouldn't have made me fire the arrows then," she said coolly. Oliver felt like someone had punched him in the gut. She had been oddly resolute when they said goodbye, but her nonchalance now was alarming.

"You have a say in this matter, you don't have to do as your brother says. Even the great Oliver Queen errs sometimes. You have another choice, Thea, we can fight Ra's al Ghul. Together, as a family."

She started circling around Merlyn and he had to crane his neck to look at her. Her voice sounded angry and hurt. "No, I don't. You made that decision for me. In the end you were no better than all the other people in my life who did that."

Although the words were spoken to Merlyn Oliver couldn't help but feel like they were directed towards him too. _I know she's your little sister, but at some point you have to stop seeing her as this fragile little girl_ , Felicity's words echoed in his head. _Some things even you can't protect her from._

"But this right now, that is my decision. It's my choice to lay down my life so not a single person I leave behind get's harmed."

 _And that makes you an infinitely better person than either of us, little sister_ , he thought, not without pride.

"But they will get harmed. Your death will harm them," Merlyn tried again. "Thea, there are other ways in which neither of us must die. If you let me go I can do something-"

"You have done enough." She walked past Oliver, almost brushing him. "Take him away."

Merlyn made a choking sound as the Handcuffs clicked around his wrists.

"Oliver, please, you can't let her do this. This is madness!," Merlyn's eyes shifted to him. Up close the devastation was clear in his face.

"Maybe," he said, trying to sound as nonchalant as his sister. The other man was right but that didn't mean they would do it his way. Oliver was not about to give him that satisfaction. "Even if it is, remember, you are the one who started it all."

Oliver decided it he had enough of failed father figures pleading for redemption and knocked him out with his bow. Plus, this way Merlyn had no way to escape.

He turned to talk to Thea, but Roy had been faster. The red archer was stroking her back soothingly and Oliver faced Merlyn again.

"Diggle, are you close?," he asked.

"Parked the van just by the fire escape down the north side."

Sighing he loosened the cables, picked up the unconscious man and prepared for the descent. At the other side of the roof Roy was hugging Thea, but he noticed Oliver. He nodded a 'you take care of her' and began to climb.

After what he had witnessed keeping his distance from Thea was probably what she needed, even if he disagreed.

At the bottom he almost jumped on the van so close had Diggle parked it. His partner had already opened the back. He lowered Merlyn on the bench and then climbed in after him.

"You wanna talk about what happened?," Diggle asked from the front as Oliver shut the door.

"No," he answered.

Diggle nodded and started the vehicle. "Where you met them last time?"

"Yeah," Oliver said, closing his eyes and leaning back. The steady rhythm of the car should be soothing but it was the exact opposite. Instead of lulling him to sleep the fact that they were steadily rolling towards the end of it all had him on the edge of his seat. The anticipation grew so much that he was actually glad when Merlyn regained consciousness.

He could have talked to Diggle of course but that was a conversation for another time. A time where is nerves weren't trying to disembody themselves and run a marathon just to waste some energy.

The other man was studying him from across the van.

"You can't possible be okay with her doing this, Oliver," Merlyn said.

"I'm not," he answered. "But this is not my shot to make. This is about Thea and what you did to her. There is no going back for her so if I can do anything to make the path easier I'll do it gladly. Even if that means lying about how I feel about it."

Merlyn regarded him with an intense stare. "You would do a great deal for your sister, Oliver. That is why I made her kill Sara, because I knew you would volunteer to do whatever it took to clear her off the Leagues list."

"I would die for Thea, you are right. But I'm not a killer anymore, Merlyn."

"And yet here you are, delivering me to my death sentence. It-"

Oliver let out a short, shallow laugh. "This is no different than delivering any other criminal to the police. It might be another justice system, but the principle is the same."

Merlyn raised an eyebrow. "Is that what you are telling yourself? They will torture me and then kill me."

"I know," he said and then he understood Thea's nonchalance. It was easier if you pretended you didn't care.

The car came to a stop. "We're there," Diggle announced.

Oliver nodded. "You stay here while I talk to them alone."

"Be careful," Felicity told them over the intercom. Her voice was steady and he realized he had needed that, to hear her before he went to do the inevitable. To know she would be there to catch him once he fell.

Diggle laughed. "Always are."

Oliver could picture her smile at that while he got out of the car and made his way to the abandoned alley. The place was empty when he entered and for a moment he thought Diggle had taken a wrong turn.

There was a rustling and a group of veiled assassins appeared. Nyssa stepped forward, her father only a few feet behind her.

"Oliver Queen," she said, regarding him with what seemed curiosity. "Back so early?"

"We have Malcolm Merlyn," he answered.

"We are pleased by that, though I recall you saying he didn't do it."

"We analyzed the DNA on the Arrows….turns out he did have something to do with it."

"You were so adamant about believing in his innocence in this matter before." She cocked her head, the confusion clear.

"He is my sister's father, as much as I dislike it, he is family," Oliver explained. It was the truth although not the real reason why he had protected him.

The assassin raised her eyebrows. "And yet here you are, delivering him to his imminent death."

"Circumstances….have changed."

Nyssa nodded curtly and he left to bring Merlyn. The black archer stumbled on his feet and fell to his knees as Oliver pushed him into the middle of the ally. He undid the Handcuffs, deeming them unnecessary in the presence of half a dozen armed assassins. Whatever happened next there was no coming back from.

"Al Sa-Her," Nyssa said, stepping forward. "Here we are at last."

Merlyn stared at her, probably sacrificing the last shreds of dignity that he had not to start begging for mercy in front of her.

"What are you going to do to him?," Oliver asked. "Read him his rights?"

"Not quite," the assassin answered, pulling a sword from the scabbard on her back and holding it to Merlyn's throat.

Merlyn laughed dryly. "Now she is going to torture me until I confess. Then she will take me to Nanda Parbat to torture me some more until I die of my injuries."

Something moved on the roof tops, loose gravel falling to the ground. _Thea_ , he realized. Reading Merlyn's expression he must have had the same thought. The Dark Archer gasped.

"Who is there?", Nyssa asked, raising her blade from the other man's neck.

"Just me," a voice said and then he saw Laurel scale the side of the building. She was wearing all black and her hair fell open over her shoulders. The resemblance to her sister was striking. When had Laurel taken to leather?

"Laurel Lance, isn't it? Have you come to make sure I get a fair trial?," Merlyn teased.

"I would hit you, but then I would have to turn myself in for animal abuse," she replied coolly, assuming a place next to Oliver.

Nyssa was eyeing her suspiciously and with what he could only define as complete and utter disgust. Laurel didn't seem to care and just nodded for her to go on.

"Al Sa-Her," Nyssa began and Merlyn laughed.

"This is absolutely not necessary, I will confess without that," he said, nodding towards the sword.

"I confess to all the crimes the League is charging me with concerning the Undertaking. I take the sole responsibility for it's planning and execution. I also confess to killing Ta-er al-Sahfer. I knew that the League would be after me and so I chose desperate measures. I covered my tracks, knowing that the League would start dropping bodies if the killer wasn't found. I also calculated the Arrows love for this _city_. I knew he would do anything to protect the innocent from harm, including risking his own life. Had he died on that mountain it would have been on me and I can only say that I am sorry for everything I put you through."

Merlyn had turned around and looked straight at Oliver during the last part, although he wasn't the only person this was addressed to. As much as he didn't want Thea to see any of this he hoped she had heard him. Merlyn had delivered the incomplete story with a passion that made it look whole. The message was clear: He wouldn't tell the league about Thea. If they were willing to keep their mouths shut too nothing would happen to her except her own guilt.

Even though it wasn't over yet Oliver took a small, relieved breath. Ra's al Ghul stepped forward and Nyssa handed him the sword.

"Bold words," the demon's head said. "But, can you live up to them? Can you die with honor, or at least dignity?"

"By League law I have the right to challenge you to a trial by combat," Merlyn insisted. It was the last resort of a desperate man.

"Not you," Nyssa said. "Not after what you did."

"A magician can cheat many things," Ra's said, drawing a bloody line on Merlyn's left cheek. "All except one." He drew a similar line down the right cheek. Then he raised Merlyn's chin with the tip of the blade. "Death."

Merlyn's eyes never left Ra's, his posture rigid, his face made of stone. If he was afraid it didn't show.

"Then that is what I'll take," he answered. Oliver couldn't say he admired the other man's courage in the face of death. Not after all the things he had done to end up here in the first place.

Ra's gave an agreeing nod and stabbed him, right were he had shown Oliver where the heart was. Merlyn made a choking sound as the blade pierced through him, so far that Oliver could see it's tip coming out at the other side. When Ra's drew it out Merlyn collapsed face down. A pool of blood collected under him, turning the pavement red, soaking his clothes so they clung to his body. Ra's stuck the bloodied sword into a crack in the asphalt.

Next to Oliver Laurel gagged. He drew her closer. "You don't have to watch this."

"Yes I do. I owe Sara that," she brought out between clenched teeth.

Merlyn's torso was still heaving, taking his last breaths. It made Oliver's stomach churn. Two months ago he had looked like this, lay at the bottom of the ravine like this, his body aflame with pain and dull to everything else at the same time. Subconsciously he touched the scar.

Another shower of gravel fell from the roof. The reminder that his little sister was still watching made his pulse spike. He hoped Roy was with her and would keep her from doing anything stupid.

"Did you invite anyone else, Mr. Queen?," Ra's asked.

"It's probably just Arsenal," he answered, trying to not to sound the part of worried brother. Merlyn had sacrificed himself for Thea and she ought to recognize that. There was no reason for Oliver to freak out, shouldn't be.

"If there is no grave you can fill with him we will bury his body according to the League's traditions," Nyssa said, clearly not interested in whoever watched from the roof. For her the blood debt had ended with Merlyn and he was grateful for that. Her father seemed to be satisfied too.

"There is," Oliver replied.

Nyssa nodded and with that the assassins left them with the body of their former adversary.

"He doesn't deserve to be buried next to Tommy," Laurel said when they were gone. She was crying.

"I know." He pulled her into a hug.

"I'm glad you're not dead," she muttered.

"Me too."

She laughed a little, pulling out of the embrace. "I saw Thea up there before I came down. You should go talk to her. I….I'll take care of this."

He gave her a grateful squeeze and then climbed the fire escape of the building the gravel had come from. Leaving the gruesome scene behind him he relaxed involuntarily. It was over. There was no one left who wanted his sister or him any harm, Thea knew that he was the Arrow and Starling was safe again.

When he reached the top, however, there was no sign of her and Roy aside from the patch of gravel where they had stood. The disappointment was there, but so was another wave of relaxation and relief.

Before him stretched Starling City, ever lit and bustling with life. Life he had sworn to protect. It felt good standing here, even if he hadn't found Thea. He could do that later, because for once, there was a later. And, she wasn't alone. Roy was with her and, although Oliver would have liked to talk to her now it wasn't all bad. This was his home, his city, and he was back.

For the first time since waking up at Argus he truly felt that he had visited the edge of death and survived. Felt like breathing was more than a necessity to keep him alive. For the first time since the mountain he saw more than one path in the future, and he knew exactly which one to take.

"Felicity?," he asked. She hummed in response. "How do you feel about a real date?"


End file.
